Kid Talk

This is a picture of our four children (20 years ago!) Aren't they adorable? Weren't they the cutest things? We had a lot of fun with them while they were growing up. For years, I kept a journal of different things our kids said, or how they pronounced certain words. Educators would have told me I was wrong, but there were just some things they mispronounced that I thought were so darn cute, I didn't correct them. I'm not going to embarrass any of my children (I'll save that for another post) and tell you who said what. We're just going to savor the moment of their thinking  and their mispronounciations ...

* Kiddo was sitting in the back seat of our car on a hot summer day. "Mom! Turn on the air 'tioner! I'm defecating back here!"

* Child's weeping reaction to singing "Away In A Manger" (in particular: the part where we sing "...no room for a bed") "Jesus could have had my bed!"

* Our little one asked why Jesus had to die to pay for our sins. He wanted to know why Jesus couldn't just write a check.

* One of our children wanted to know why the Easter Dummy didn't come to our house.

* Another child would tell us he needed a Kleenix to wipe the "snore" from his nose.

* One of our kids would complain of "nitches" in his bottom, but he'd want you to scratch it because he didn't want his "pingers" to get "tinky".

* One child wore a "baby soup" (bathing suit) ... all of them said "horkie" (horsie) ... another would "scare" (stare) at things s/he wasn't supposed to be "scaring" at ... another used "tulip paper" to wipe after using the restroom ... and when one was sick, he had the "kazoo" while his brother had the "flute".

Probably one of the best things, although I really shouldn't put it down, was when one of our sons was teaching his younger brother, our 3-year-old, a Bible verse. They were working on I John 5:17 -- "all wrong doing is sin." The older brother was trying to explain to the younger brother what sin was, and he said, "Sin is when you say a bad word." Recently, they had heard the s-word while they had been at a house of a neighbor boy and had been instructed that it was not a word that we should say.  So, the older brother told the younger brother, "Sin would be saying the s-word." Ahhh! That was a good explanation, right? The younger brother very definitely understood that. Later in the evening, the boys were very excited to share what they had learned. The older brother instructed the younger boy to tell us his Bible verse ... and this is what he proudly said: "I John 5:17 -- All wrong doing is s@#%."

I am extremely proud to tell you that all of my children (who are now in their 20's) no longer need Kleenixes to wipe the snore from their noses ... they don't scare at people anymore ... they don't wear baby soups (that I know of) ... and they don't swear while reciting Bible verses. Sigh. I certainly miss those days.

The good news? I have a granddaughter who loves to watch "woovies" (movies). She asked after hearing talk of a storm: "This sounds serious. Is there a tomato coming?" And, she told me that she loves to ride "alligators" (elevators). The fun and blessings continue!

Mangling Songs is my Specialty

Yes, it's true. I love listening to country music. I love the red-dirt country (which basically originated in Oklahoma, by the way), thanks to my middle son who got his whole family hooked on Cross Canadian Ragweed, Stoney Larue, or the Zac Brown Band (BEFORE they were famous). I love Carrie Underwood and Taylor Swift ... love Brad Paisley and Tim McGraw ... love Darius Rucker (formerly known as Hootie from Hootie and the Blow Fish) and Miranda Lambert. Yup, I pretty much love it all.

I have a major problem though. I find myself singing along to the songs and then adding my own twist, or changing the words around. This has been a secret, because it's really ridiculous how I mangle these songs ... but it's usually for my own enjoyment and entertainment as I drive in the car alone. But, now I'm sharing that with you. I'll share the song ... and then show you how I change it to fit me. If you're a country music fan, you'll maybe see the humor in it. If you're not, this blog will be really strange ...

   The song says: "If I die young...", Diana sings: "If I die young ... ooops! Too late!"

   The song says: "God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy." Diana sings: "God is great, beer is gross, and it makes me hazy."
  
   The song says: "Jesus take the wheel...", Diana sings: "Jesus, take the wheel ... and then give it back really quick because I have a good idea where we need to go."

   The song says: "I had a barbecue stain on my white t-shirt, you were killing me in that mini skirt." Diana sings it: "I had a barbecue stain on my white t-shirt, I never learned to eat right, what can it hurt?"

Okay, I never said that my mangled versions of the songs were particularly impressive or brilliant.

Country songs aren't the only ones that I'll destroy. Remember the Christmas song that goes: "...beautiful sight, we're happy tonight, walking in a winter wonderland." Diana usually sings it this way: "...beautiful sight, we're happy tonight, walking in our woolen underwear." Yup, I can't think of a reason off the top of my head why I always sing about underwear in this song, but I do. There's other songs that I've managed to put in phrases about dirty or holey underwear, but I'm sure you've heard enough mangled lyrics for the day.

The sad part is that I'm the only person who thinks it's funny. And now you know my secret and think I'm extremely strange, just like my family does. But I sure crack myself up as I'm driving along making up goofy words to popular country songs (all songs are considered fair game for me, however). Who knows? Maybe someday I'll be famous (like Weird Al Yankovic) and you can say you knew me "when." Stay tuned ...

Prayers for My Children

For my precious children and grandchildren, I pray ...

that you're never too comfortable. With comfort comes the feeling of being fine just where we are and not needing anything else.

that you might recognize the lies of the world and realize that you were created for much more than this.

that you'll never be truly content unless you're walking with the Lord.

that no matter what you've done or where you've been, you'll be able to forgive yourself as Jesus forgives you ... and that you'll see yourself as He sees you -- precious, worthy, and absolutely His.

that God's incredible gift of grace will be abundantly clear to you as you rock your sleeping babies ... or as you wake each morning, knowing that every day is a new beginning.

that you'll always recognize your need for Christ. Being needy isn't a bad thing. When we recognize our need and walk with Him, then we become stronger and are more able to withstand more of what the world throws at us.

that you won't neglect to see the danger signs that are placed before you. And then, once you see those signs, you'll do the right thing ... and run!

that you'll hear God's voice at all times -- especially in those times when He's the last One you want to be hearing from.

that you'll be sweetly broken by the depth of Jesus' love for you ... and that it will overflow from you to those around you.

that you'll recognize the blessings you've been given by family members who have walked with the Lord and prayed for you all of your life ... and that you'll do the same for your children and grandchildren.

that you might feel the security of knowing that God loves you, He has a plan for your life, and He is in absolute control. He's never caught off guard and always cares what's going on where you're concerned. Even when things seem bleak and you feel alone, may you rest in His presence, sure that He is Who He says He is.

that you'll always be confident of my love for you ... but even more than that, that you'll be certain of God's  love for you.

I love you.

Big Honkin' Pill of Discomfort

Life is full of things that make me uncomfortable. I can go down a list:
1) The house is too cold
2) Too many dogs in the bed and I can't find a spot
3) Being around someone that I don't like or that is really different from me
4) The chair is too hard ... or too soft
5) Aging
6) Walking by a homeless person asking for money
7) Taking a huge pill
8) My jeans are too tight
9) The audio to the movie is too loud

I have decided that my entire life is dedicated to my comfort. I love to be comfortable. I have also seen that God is NOT dedicated to my comfort ... and He honestly doesn't care if I'm comfortable or not. He loves me. He wants the best for me. But my comfort is not the highest point on His list (if it even makes His list or not!).

Just recently, I was complaining to God about a situation. To me, what I was describing to Him was something that He definitely should change -- not because of my comfort level, but because it was "right"!! He needed to intervene and make it "right". Apparently His perfect will wasn't being done in this situation, and He needed to step in and change things (according to my infinite wisdom and superiority). I spent time in prayer ... I spent time in His Word ... and then felt totally empty and alone because there didn't seem to be an answer for me. It was like God was silent, and it hurt.

As I was sitting there sniffling and feeling sorry for myself, I picked up Crazy Love, by Frances Chan. I've skimmed through the book before, but that had been about it. So, I began thumbing through it again ... and then God spoke.

Life is comfortable when you separate yourself from people who are different from you.

That epitomizes what my life was like: characterized by comfort.

But God doesn't call us to be comfortable.

He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations

where we will be in trouble if He doesn't come through.

What? Repeat that, please? God doesn't call ME to be comfortable?! In fact, He's asking me to step out in faith and trust Him ... and in this situation, that's what He's doing.  I realized that God orchestrates the day-by-day circumstances of my life. There's never a situation too big that He can't control. But, once again, He calls me to lean on Him, to trust in Him, to place my hand in His ... and keep continuing despite my comfort. In this particular situation, I've learned that God is looking for my perseverence, and He's teaching me through each step of it. While I call out to Him to deliver me so that I can be "comfortable", He's intent on my learning a lesson regardless of my comfort level. He also assures me that other people that might be involved in this situation are not my concern -- He loves them and deals with them and He's got it under control. In other words, God doesn't need me to worry and fret and complain!!

I'd love to say that this is a lesson I've loved to "re-learn" (because I've definitely learned it before), but that wouldn't be true. It's one of those bittersweet lessons -- like a big honkin' pill that hurts on the way down, but you know it's what you need. Today, I'm thankful that God "re-teaches" me ... that He's more concerned with the end result than with my comfort. My role in this uncomfortable area is to persevere and trust in the God Who is sovereign. And God assures me that He'll be with me each step of the way as we walk through this together ...

"Be content with what you have; for God Himself has said, "I will never, never

let go of your hand; I will never never forsake you."

Hebrews 13:5a (Weymouth New Testament)





A Doggy World

We have three dogs in our house. Our furniture and clothes are covered in dog hair (although HOW the furniture is covered, I don't know because the dogs aren't allowed on the furniture. I think they wait until we're not home and then they wallow all over the couches. Just a thought.). We have three different food bowls on the floor that each dog shares with the other dog. Pommer, the youngest and definitely the one that is the most roly-poly, grazes out of ALL of the bowls all day long. When I'm home cleaning, cooking, doing whatever, I have three dogs that follow me in to each room that I go in to and they lay there until I get the job done or until I move in to another room. Cooking can be a definite chore when there are three dogs lying on the kitchen floor ... and getting up from the couch or easy chair always requires a quick glance at the floor to see if there's a dog underfoot. We are literally a house full of dogs and people.

We've always had a dog in the house, and we swore we'd never have more than one dog at a time. So, we had Snooker, a little rat terrior that lived with us for 17 years (until we had to put him down about a year ago). When he hit 14, we figured he'd only be around for a year or so, so we "allowed" our daughter to adopt a Pomeranian/Pug mix puppy that was named Pommer. We brought Pommer into our house and Snooker was NOT a happy camper. We thought Snooker would "train" Pommer and that Pommer would learn from him. Yeah, right. THAT didn't happen. The only thing Pommer learned from Snooker was to NOT come when you called him and how to gorge himself and become fat.

Then, our youngest son decided he needed a dog while he was at college and when he came home on weekends, he brought Stoney with him. Stoney is a beautiful German Shepherd/Blue Heeler that was rescued from the pound. The only problem with Stoney?! He is BIG ... and hyper ... and needy. He wants to be a 40-pound lap dog. He loves to drink out of the toilet and has gotten to the place where he'll stand at the bathtub and whine so we'll turn the water on for him to drink. Gotta have that "fresh", not doggy-bowl water, ya know!

Not long after that, our son also brought home Gracie, a Schnauzer mix, whose owner didn't want her anymore and he was going to take her out and shoot her. Our son was horrified by that, rescued her, and brought her here for us to "find an owner for her" -- uhm, that was about 3 years ago. We named her Gracie because she was "saved by grace" and instantly fell in love with her because of her gentle spirit. Gracie has become the mama dog of the bunch; she'll groom Pommer and chastise Stoney. It's a crazy house!

All three of the dogs like to sleep with my husband and me. Pommer was little enough that we didn't mind when he first got here. He'd sleep curled up next to my legs, and my husband never knew he was there (until Pommer started getting up at 4:30 in the morning to go outside and get a doggy treat! I would just ignore him or get after him, while Wes would actually get up and get that goofy dog what he wanted!). Since Pommer didn't disturb Wes's slumber, he was allowed to sleep with us. Gracie, who was an outside dog when we first got her, has never particularly been interested in sleeping in the bed (thank goodness!). She sleeps in a upholstered chair in our room or on the cool tile in the bathroom. But yes, she's in here with us. Then, there's Stoney ... the big dog ... the dog that is literally the size of a man (okay, a small man, but still a man!) when he stretches out. Stoney LOVES to be in the bed. Stoney wants to be in the bed, lying on the pillow, under the blankets next to me and he'd really prefer for Wes to sleep on the floor. Yes, Wes isn't particularly fond of that scenario. Wes usually (okay, always!) wins, and Stoney either tries to sleep pressed up to me somehow, or he'll sleep on the upholstered bench at the end of our bed (if Wes totally kicks him out).

The dogs also love to greet people at the door. Gracie has this high-pitched bark that is piercing. She'll bark and then run off and hide. She is scared of strangers ... well, actually, she's pretty much scared of everyone except for immediate family. Little, fat Pommer will bark and get so excited that he can barely breathe. He'll wheeze and jump around and then exhaust himself (we really need to get some weight off of that dog). Stoney has this deep, extremely scary bark. He'll turn in circles until he gets dizzy and frantically try to kiss anyone who comes in the door. People are usually traumatized before we can even get them out of the entry way in to the living room.

None of our dogs like to take a bath, although they ALL love to be brushed and will let you brush them forever. They don't like to share chew toys, so we don't get them anymore, but they do share their food. Pommer likes to punish people by pooping in their room (for years, we blamed it on poor old Snooker, thinking he had "lost it", but Pommer just pooped by the chair Snooker slept in. We finally caught him and broke him of the habit pretty quickly). Stoney has horrible, loud, stinky gas ... Gracie's tummy gurgles ... Pommer likes to nip at your toes when you walk by (fun game!). And every single one of those silly dogs are just sooooo grateful to be loved and in a home with people.

I know a lot of people don't like dogs. They think they're obnoxious and smelly ... and those people would be right! But, we can learn so much from our pets. Dogs love unconditionally. They accept their lot in life. They're loyal. They protect the weaker ones. And they need us -- their owners and masters. I had to think -- do I love unconditionally? Do I accept what I've been given without complaint? Am I loyal to those I serve? Do I protect and care for those who are weaker and need help? Do I act with God like my dogs act with me? Seriously! When it's time for God and I to meet, do I act like my entire day has been made just by being in His presence?

Yes, I still have lots to learn from these furry little friends of mine. They ARE just dogs, but for some reason, God has placed these dogs in our house for the time being. They're the "furrier" part of our family, and we can learn from them just as they (occasionally) learn from us.


Random Thoughts

1. I want to know who the middle-aged, wrinkled woman is who jumps in front of me each morning when I look in the mirror. She seems vaguely familiar, but when I try to get closer to see just exactly who she is, she has this strange ability to make herself blurry. Seriously, she is really starting to get on my nerves.

2. Why is it when my 2-month old grandbaby yawns, everyone smiles and says "how cute", but when I yawn without covering my mouth, my family thinks it's disgusting. "Ewwww, Mom! Cover your mouth!"

3. Sometimes I wish God would pay just a little bit more attention when I'm trying to give Him advice on how to run things. Honestly, I think I have some pretty good ideas.

4. Why do mice and fleas (that nobody likes or wants) seem to multiply exponentially, but money does just the opposite?

5. It has been stated that wearing a shirt with horizontal stripes makes you look heavier. Puhlease! Like if I wore a shirt with vertical stripes, I'd look taller than 5 feet and less round than I already am? Let's be honest. I'd look like a chunky, middle-aged jail cell.

6. Whatever I think always sounds funnier, smarter, etc. than when I actually say it.

7. Just because I occasionally mix my words up and say things like "stooting shar" or "palt and sepper" does NOT mean that I'm losing my mind. Losing the ability to talk distinctly maybe ... but not my mind.

8. My dog thinks I'm wonderful. It would be nice if everyone else shared his same opinion.

9. Note to self: Never lick a steak knife.

10. If God really wanted me to write a blog, He'd give me brilliant ideas for posts instead of ten random thoughts.

Mommy Radar

For some reason, God gave me "Mommy Radar". For those of you not cursed blessed enough to have this strange ability, let me explain it to you. Much like Doppler Radar (anyone in Oklahoma is familiar with that term) can see and predict a violent storm within a weather pattern, Mommy Radar can see what's going on in the lives of her children. The radar isn't particularly detailed in that I know all the in's and out's of a situation, but it's there enough for me to know something wrong is going on. Some people may call it intuition. Others have been known to hint that there are spells and voodoo involved (those are only my children who have hinted that -- they're a little bitter). But I call it Mommy Radar, and it simply is a family-coined term for the Holy Spirit revealing something (always something neither me nor my children want me to see) about one of my children.

The Radar usually starts with a sense of unease that something is not as it should be. That unease not only doesn't go away, but it just continues to get stronger as time goes by. Within 24 to 48 hours, something will happen (e.g. someone will say something or I'll piece together different events) and I'll have a general idea of what's going on. Yes, it sounds pretty sketchy, but the amazing thing is that in 100% of the cases where Mommy Radar has gone off, it's always right. It might be a little late (like after the event), but it's never failed. They can't run. They can't hide. They can't wear aluminum hats made of foil to keep their brain waves to themselves. My kids hate it, and honestly, I'm not too crazy about it myself, simply because of the pain that often accompanies revelation.

My kids have always hated the dreaded conversation that Mommy Radar brings about.

Me: We need to talk. (Yes, those are the words that can make any of my four children sweat profusely, become nauseous, and experience insanely fast heart rates.)

Kid: Uhm, what about? (At this point, his/her mind is racing wildly over anything s/he's done lately that could bring this conversation about. His/her eyes start seeking out the nearest exit to the room.)

Me: [Deep sigh] My Mommy Radar is going crazy. (By that, Mom means that she's unable to sleep and has calluses on her knees from constant prayer.)

Kid: [Rolling of the eyes] Seriously, Mom. This has got to stop. I'm {insert age here] now! (Meaning: I'm old enough to do what I want and I shouldn't have to answer to you or anyone else.)

Me: Believe me when I say I would be only too happy if it would stop!! But I can't help it. God just keeps revealing things to me! (At this point, Mom's eyes are beginning to get a little teary and her voice is getting shaky.)

Kid: [Slumping the shoulders, wiping brow wearily] Fine. When did you find out? (There's no argument that everything is hunky-dory. Both Mom and Kid know the truth. Kid knows the details ... Mom knows the generalities. Discussion follows.)

It is at this point that my kiddo and I will have a serious discussion about what God has revealed to me. I'd love to say that all of these discussions have had "happily ever after" endings, but I'd be a big fat liar if I did. I'd also love to say that in each situation, my child repented of {take your pick: wrong choice, sin, dangerous life pattern, etc.}, hugged me enthusiastically, thanked me profusely, and our relationship was stronger and better than ever before ... but, in the extremely slim chance that any of my children read my blog, I need to set a good example of always telling the truth. Sometimes, everything WAS positive and immediate changes came about. Other times weren't quite as "rewarding", but my child definitely heard the truth according to Scripture ... and it was his choice as to what he was going to do with it.

I haven't totally understood why God chooses to do this Mommy Radar stuff with our family, but here are some theories. There have been times that I needed to be my child's self-control and discipline when he was having a hard time exercising his own. I've had to be the brick wall to hedge my child in to protect him from the world ... and had to be the "bad guy" to protect him from himself. I've had to show my child he was believing a lie, justifying wrong behavior, or going down a dangerous road. And, as they've gotten older, I've had to confront as one Christian adult to another.

There has never been a time when Mommy Radar has gone off that I thought it was wonderful. It's always been painful. But I learned a long time ago that I need to be obedient when God's Spirit says something to me. He doesn't reveal just for revelation's sake ... a salvation (of sorts) is always involved. Honestly, if I could see that my child was driving a car and ignoring the "Bridge Out" signs and continuing merrily on his way, I wouldn't hesitate to stop him as much as I was able simply because I could see the road ahead and knew that he was in danger. In fact, Scripture tells us to step in and to "save a lamb from slaughter" when we see a Christian brother heading down a wrong way. Mommy Radar does the same thing. And God has chosen me to torture (Sorry! That's how our kids have seen it) serve our children in this way.

Blessing or curse. I guess it just depends on how you look at it. As for me, I see God's extreme love for my children through it all ... and that makes it a blessing (definitely in disguise sometimes), but a blessing nevertheless. My prayer? That every one of my children will be given this strange ability as well. No, not for revenge or pay-back on my part (although that's a little odd it even occurred to me), but so that they, too, can come up alongside their children (my wonderful grandchildren!!) in a time when they desperately need to hear the Truth.

"I have no great joy than this, to hear of my children walking in the Truth."

3 John 4