Monday, April 7, 2014

My Un-Day

I was having an un-day. Have you ever experienced one of those? Pick any positive word and put "un" before it. That's an un-day. I felt unattractive, unloved, unsecure, unworthy, unpopular, undisciplined, unsure, uninspiring, unaccepted ... and some made up "un" words as well (unfun, unskinny, untall, unfashionable, unsmooth, unyoung, etc.). There was absolutely nothing that I liked about myself on this day. I knew I was having a problem and God and I had talked about it at length in our morning time together. 

One of the things I absolutely adore about God is that He doesn't bang you over the head with something. He has faithfully let me know of His love, of His acceptance, regardless of my circumstances and how I feel about myself. And in those times when I am having an un-day (whether it's real or imagined), God GENTLY reminds me of my worth in Him. He doesn't condemn me for my feelings, but loves me in spite of them.

So, I was having an un-day. I was desperately trying to change my perspective so that I wouldn't dwell on my failings and shortcomings and make myself more miserable than I already was. Plus, I knew that intensely disliking myself wasn't pleasing to God and didn't particularly make me loveable to those people around me either. And since I'm in the middle of the Joy Dare (a year long program of focusing on everyday gifts in life to be thankful for), I already had some help in working towards changing that perspective. The assignment for today was to find three surprising gifts in unexpected places. Hmmmm. Seemed a tough assignment, especially when I was coming from such a negative place anyway. But I was going to look for the unexpected gifts.

And I found them ... in my husband's hug that seemed a little longer that morning ... in our dogs that sensed my mood and just wanted to cuddle with me. But it wasn't until I was on my afternoon walk that I found the last one -- the one that brought tears to my eyes and truly was a thank-you moment to God. I was walking along the walking trail in our park, and there in the middle of the rocky pathway was a big, fat, yellow dandelion. The dandelion didn't belong there. Dandelions don't grow in blacktop pathways. Someone had picked it and then dropped it. It had been put there specifically ... for me! Just like the days when my children would lovingly make me a huge dandelion bouquet and present their gift to me in their chubby little hands, so I instantly knew that God had placed this dandelion in this time, in this place, for me to find. And like my children always said "I love you" as they gave me their precious flowers, I heard God whisper to me, "I love you today and always".

My un-day quickly disappeared. It's amazing how focusing on God and His gifts can change our negative attitudes and thoughts. I don't think I'll ever be able to look at a dandelion in the same way again.