Beauty for Ashes

It's amazing to me how God uses our past to teach us and grow us. Things that I would love to go back and change ... things that I'm ashamed of or that scarred me ... things that I swore I'd never do but I did; and, on the flip side ... things that I'd love to relive because they were so wonderful ... things that I'm proud of ... things that happened that bring me great joy -- God wastes absolutely nothing and uses ALL instances to teach us or to help us minister to others. Even though some of the times might have been because of my stupidity or wrong choices, God is not limited. What was intended by me as evil or wrong or selfish purposes, God can turn around and make in to something beautiful -- I just need to allow Him to work in and through me.

I love that my God is the God of new beginnings ... the God who turns ashes in to beauty ... the God of second chances. He's the original "green" -- doesn't waste a thing!! I also love that His timing is perfect ... that He's always working ... that He has a plan and a purpose.

For today, I choose to:
* Revel in Who He is and what He's done
* Celebrate in His ability to use all things
* Rejoice that He's chosen to use me
* Anticipate what He's going to continue to do
* Trust in His timing and plan

Loosey Goosey

Stop everything you're doing! It's big news! We've got a loose tooth. Yes, it's loose, as in slightly wiggly. I've been instructed that I'm supposed to tell everyone and I'm not supposed to wait until tomorrow because it's
V-E-R-Y important for people to know. So, I'm being an obedient Nammy and speading the news. You've been told.

Seems like only yesterday that this little girl was just cutting teeth. How can she be at an age where it's time to start losing them?!? Times goes by waaaaaaaay too fast. But I'm grateful for the time that I've been given with this precious little girl ... and especially grateful that I was one of the honored ones that received a phone call with the big news.

Stay tuned. I'm sure there will be more news updates about teeth.

Magnifying Mirror Nightmare

 I just made one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I bought a 5x magnifying make-up mirror yesterday and I haven't stopped crying since. Every single pore ... every single hair ... every single wrinkle ... every single age spot -- they're shown off in their glorious imperfection. AND, since the mirror I bought is also lighted, it's like there's a heavy-duty spotlight bringing everything into even clearer focus.

It's really depressing.

I was wanting something that would help me pluck my eyebrows ... help me keep my mascara from getting all over my face as I put it on ... help me with my lipliner ... and help these 51-year-old eyes be able to see well enough to put my make-up on. Is that too much to ask? I mean, seriously. Is it? Let me answer my own question: yes. The whole point was to actually LOOK BETTER. Read that again. To look better. That's all I wanted. Well, that and to look like the girl on the right.

This is what I got. When my face is magnified, it looks like my skin is made out of lunar material ... and when I say lunar material, I'm being polite to myself. My face looks like the surface of the moon. My eyebrows would make Andy Rooney of 60 Minutes jealous. Honestly, I didn't know I even HAD that many hairs in my eyebrows ... OR that they managed to grow halfway down my face. Practically every single color of the rainbow can be seen on my face in my horrifying new make-up mirror, and that's BEFORE I put any make-up on. And yes, I thought I had a few stray hairs that would pop up on my lip or my chin, yet I took care of them before other people could notice. Ha!! Even as I write this, I'm laughing hysterically and wiping the tears of mirth from my eyes. I now know the sad truth. I've grown a full beard and mustache and no one ever had the good graces to tell me. And to make it all even worse, I was aware of the "few" wrinkles that I was "gradually" getting -- the smile lines, the cute little marks around my eyes and nose when I laughed. Yeah, whatever. They're not wrinkles. They're deep crevices that a small child could crawl into and get lost.

My new 5x magnifying make-up mirror is still sitting on the vanity, but it's closed and unplugged. Yet, it still taunts me whenever I walk by it. It's almost like I have this crazy addiction to checking out what other horrifying things it will reveal. But I've managed to avoid that temptation. At least, until tomorrow when I have to put on make-up to go to work. You know, who ever said I had to wear make-up to work? I hear the new rage is to wear a paper bag over your face so people have to guess who you are. If it's not the rage yet, it soon will be.

Nakey Baby

• We never slept through the night this last week.
• There was extra laundry to do.
• Going to the bathroom or taking a shower was more of a "community" event rather than a solo adventure.
• Cleaning and cooking just DIDN'T happen.

This could only mean one thing.

Our 1-year-old grandbaby blessed us with her presence for a week. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I had forgotten a lot of things about having an itty bitty one in my home round the clock. BUT, I did quickly re-learn what had been stored in the recessses of my mind. Things like ...

No matter how cute the baby is when she's "nakey", it's best to not let her run around and play that way. Nakey babies tend to pee pee on the carpet. Once the carpet has been baby-sprinkled, she won't be very happy when you take away her freedom and insist on her wearing a diaper. Your next act will be to be scrub the carpet with carpet cleaner while simultaneously trying to comfort a very unhappy, now-diapered little one.

She'll ACT like she's okay with drinking from her sippy cup, but she's just biding her time. Once you relax, the sippy cup will be thrown to the floor, the baby will be lying on the floor screaming, and you'll be frantically scrambling to find the bottle. Honestly, what the baby wants, the baby needs, right?!? At least, that's the case at Nammy's house.

Sleeping with a small child is like trying to sleep with a windmill ... or an octopus ... or in the midst of a tornado ... or next to an Olympic prize fighter.  And, the littler the baby, the more space she'll take up in the bed. Also, babies sweat while they're sleeping... a LOT. Since the baby is sleeping on you, you'll wind up sweating as well. But since there's nothing more precious and adorable than a sleeping baby who wants to cuddle with you, you'll put up with being punched and crawled on and sweated on during the night.

And you know what? It was all wonderful ... and great ... and I wanna do it again. I liked having a baby around our house. Every single nook and cranny was filled with the sweet smells of a baby freshly out of the bathtub ... her infectious giggles ... her mimicking us of brushing our hair ... her little hands patting my arm and shoulders as I rock her to sleep. I loved every single moment with our dimpled grandbaby, and I'm grateful that she was patient enough to teach me while her Nammy re-learned living with a little one. I've got news for you. There's nothing better!!

Being Mommy

We had a full-sized bed that was just perfect for Wes and me. One of my most vivid memories was waking up when I was 8 months pregnant with our daughter and all three of our boys (aged 3 through 7) were in bed with us ... along with our cocker spaniel puppy. How we managed to fit all of those people, including the incredibly pregnant mommy, in to a full-sized bed was beyond me. I still remember waking up with a backache because of the incredibly awkward position that I was laying in ... AND I understood the definition of a "full"-sized bed.

And, of course, there were other memories of being a mommy of little ones. Like the time two of our boys woke us up because one of them had wet the bed, gone to get in bed with his brother, and then wet his bed ... so they were looking for dry territory. THAT was the night that I was awakened by someone wetting our bed (and my back!).

I remember doing several loads of laundry a day (obviously!) ... watching Sesame Street or Barney and singing along to all of the songs that were sung ...drawing with chalk on the front porch to welcome Daddy home ... walking through the house, scouring the floors for little items that babies could choke on ... putting rubber bands on all of the cabinet doors to keep them closed ... occasionally being able to take a shower or bath all by myself and thinking it was heaven ... having ALL of the children actually asleep at the same time for a nap and gratefully taking a nap myself ... putting a blanket on the floor, turning off the TV, and just watching our little ones play ... taking a blanket outside for the baby and me to lie on while the older kids played in the sunshine ...

Those were wonderful times. But I also remember feeling isolated, feeling like I had no one to really talk to (unless you counted little ones who just wanted to talk about Teen Age Mutant Turtles or Bert and Ernie). When Wes would get home, I'd literally follow him around the house, begging to hear every moment of his day and wanting to talk to him about mine. I even have one memory of lying on the floor outside of the bathroom, talking to him while he was in there. He finally asked if he could just have a little bit of time when he got home without his wife trying to talk to him through the bathroom door. 

I felt isolated, but I wasn't alone. I had an incredible support system -- a husband who loved me, parents who were always available, and girlfriends who were raising lots of little ones just like I was. I was blessed. I was fortunate.

Maybe that's why God has given me such a heart for young moms who didn't have the support system that I did. Moms who are doing this on their own. Moms who are being mom, dad, and grandparent all in one. Moms who are young and are still learning and growing on their own. When THEY talk about isolation, they know what they're talking about. My heart is for them to NOT be alone, to have people walking alongside them in love, for them to love the incredible job of being a mommy. So, I've found a ministry where I can do that exact thing. I'm excited to be able to share this journey with them.

Being a mommy IS a job full of "incredibles" -- incredible amount of work, incredible amount of joy, incredible amount of energy, incredible amount of rewards. There's no other job like it in the world.

Everything Has a Price

I'm apologizing ahead of time because this blog is once again partly about the recent surgery I had. I know, I know, I know -- people don't want to hear about all that,but unfortunately that's just where I've been so "concentrated" lately. So, please just bear with me. With my recent surgery, I was given several limitations. At first, I was told that I couldn't push/pull/lift anything over 5 to 10 pounds. Now that a little time has gone by, the limit was raised to 20 pounds. I was also told not to over-exert myself (since I didn't have much energy, that wasn't a problem) and I'm never ever EVER supposed to squat again. I've been absoutely amazed at how much things weigh!! Laundry baskets ... gallons of milk ... grocery bags -- all things I didn't even think twice about lifting before. Now, I have to consider what something weighs (and my body will definitely let me know if it's in the "no" range!). When I was told not to squat, I didn't figure that would be a problem. Uhm, again I've been amazed at how often I actually DID squat -- getting things out of the bottom cabinets in the kitchen, getting things off of the lowest shelves in the grocery store, cleaning up messes on the floor.

As I was thinking about all of this this morning, I saw that pretty much every choice in life comes with a price. When I made the choice to have the surgery, there was a defiinite price -- recuperation period, limitations, doctor bills. But the choice was for my betterment. I wouldn't be "falling apart" anymore and would be "fixed up". So, the "price" for the choice was reasonable.

I look at the choices we've made over the years and the prices that were paid for those choices. My husband chose to work in a field where he'd be available for his family instead of working extremely long hours. I've always been grateful for that choice, even though money has sometimes been tight. It's been very much worth it! He and I chose for me to never work more than part-time so that I could be home with the children as they were growing up, and so that other things wouldn't take priority over my husband and family. Again, money has sometimes been tight because of that, but looking back, we'd make the same choice over and over and over.

 

And the biggest choice? When I accepted Christ as my Savior. What an incredible price God paid for me!! What could I bring Him that He didn't already have? He certainly didn't "need" me because He has all He needs. However, as I was reading in Isaiah 43 today: "I, even I, am the one who wipes out your transgressions for My own sake, and I will not remember your sins." For HIS sake? It makes sense that it was for MY sake because I was the sinner here. But for His sake? Then it struck me -- He WANTS me because He longs for a relationship with me. Father God was willing to pay the price to remove the sin barrier between us so that we could be in a love relationship. Christ was willing to pay the ultimate price of His own life to make that happen. But this was all something that God wanted very much ... just so He could have a personal relationship with me (and you!!). That's almost more than this tiny little mind of mine can handle. And it makes me feel so incredibly loved and grateful. It also makes me want to watch my choices carefully so that I bring glory to Him in what I do -- to honor the price He paid for me.

Being Still

Recuperating from surgery causes you to rest and reflect. I'd highly recommend it for everyone ... if only you didn't have to experience surgery. Me? I've discovered I'm not too good at rest ... or sitting still ... or going at a slower pace ... or letting someone else pick up the work load for me. I tend to over-commit ... bite off more than I can chew ... do more than I should, so these last several weeks of chilling and resting have been nice. Not too productive (in my warped sense of what is productive), but nice nonetheless.

Since I'm nearing the end of my "resting" period, I wanted to share with you some of what I've learned/done:
1) I've cleaned out more than half the closets in my house. I did these a little at a time since I'm limited as to what I can lift/push/pull weightwise. But it's nice to be able to actually close some of these closets without worrying what will fall down on me the next time I open the door.

2) I've cleaned out several of my "catch-all" drawers. They're nice and organized. Next time you come to my house, I'll be happy to show them off to you.

3) Our file cabinets are lighter. I threw away income tax receipts from 1999 and the car tag papers that were carefully filed away -- for cars that we no longer owned.

4) Watching six seasons of Lost in 2 1/2 weeks turned my brain to mush. I rewatched every episode, noticed things I hadn't noticed before, and cried at the same things I cried at the first time I watched the TV series. And once I watched all of Lost, I began watching different DVDs that my brother gave to me to pass the time. Yup, TV was my buddy.

5) Noticed MORE differences between my husband and me. He sees a "blue" dress -- I see either a navy blue, royal blue, robin's egg blue, baby blue, aquamarine, periwinkle, marine, dusty blue, etc. On the other hand, he'll see a 2005 blue Mazda 3 ... and I'll just see a little blue car. He cleans a little bit at a time and then is done. Finished. Outta there. It's clean. I'm constantly cleaning, straightening, cleaning again, and it's neverending.

6) Sleep was my nearly constant companion. I'd "work" for a bit and then have to lie down. I'd read a portion of a book and then have to rest. I'd watch some TV and fall asleep. I'd sit up to eat and then have to lie down and recover my energy. Seriously, I spent so much time sleeping that I felt like I would get to the point where I'd be up for several days in a row because I had slept so much. Uhm, yeah -- that didn't happen. My biggest concern is that I've learned to like sleeping in. Sleeping in and going to work will NOT be compatible.

What really stood out to me throughout my recovery time, however, was the fact that it seemed easier to "hear" God than what I normally could. Since I was spending so much time being still, I was shown just how frantic my simple little life had become. I always have to "do" ... and in this instance, I wasn't able to "do". I was forced to just sit and to be still. And boy, does God love to talk when He has your attention!! It was really wonderful to spend such extended periods of time with Him -- in His Word, in prayer. And because I'm who I am -- I spent a lot of time crying as well ... not because of my surgery and recovery, not because I was bored of being still, but because of how God just loved on me, showered His blessings on me through His people and His Word. He also pointed out that the fall is going to be an extra-busy time for me and He gave me this recuperation period so that I would strengthen up and be ready. He's kind of awesome like that.

I'm hoping that I've learned a little bit through this recuperation time -- that I'll regularly take time to "be still and know that He's God", that I'll realize the importance of recharging, that I'll stop to just listen. In ALL things -- even in surgery and recovery, God is teaching ... and I'm learning.