The Danger of the Good Times

Finding $1 on the sidewalk … stepping on the scales and seeing the number go down … having money after paying all the bills … feeling comfortable, loved, and secure … having the OSU Cowboys win their football game … planting flowers and actually having them flourish in the Oklahoma heat and humidity … having all the appliances, vehicles, plumbing, wiring in the house working and cooperating … being healthy … having all of my relationships doing well … being appreciated at work … having things go my way. Those are all aspects of how I like my life to be. Well-ordered, well-run, comfortable, peaceful, in control. That's how it ought to be, right?

Sometimes, life does go like that. I've learned recently the extreme danger in these instances.

When life is broken and painful, when it just plain sucks, it's not difficult to be on my face before the Lord. I'm hungry for His Word. I'm aware of my brokenness and my desperation. I'm aware of my inability, my sin, my great need for Him. And when I do, there's not a problem with following Him.

But, when life is comfortable and peaceful, when everything is roses and champagne, that's when the deep, sinful, inner Diana will show up. Things are this way because of … well, because I'm just so darn wonderful! I'm spiritual and God surely blesses me for that. I'm wise because I can open the pages of His Word and I can hear Him. I'm patient. I'm loving. I have learned so much and have really grown. I've been in a raging storm and weathered it. I'm a battle-scarred veteran that has been victorious. I, I, I. Me, me, me. Yes, it's all me.

I'm still reading in the book of Judges and the story of Gideon. (Have you read it yet?! Like I said in my last post, read it!!! You'll be glad you did.) Gideon just came through an incredible, miraculous battle with 300 men, torches, and jars against an army that was many more times their size. And Israel stood back and watched God defeat their enemies … until God said to take after the rest of them. So, these energized men began pursing them to finish off the battle. Gideon witnessed all of that. He was a part of it.

After the battle, the Israelites came to Gideon and asked him to be king. He very spiritually answered that he would not do that, that God would be their king, but then he proceeded to tell them to give him all of the gold earrings that they had taken as plunder. Gold earrings that came out to about 50 pounds of gold. The booty wound up including purple robes of kings, jewelry, and more. Do you see what's going on here? Gideon's exterior is humble. "Oh, please, I can't take the credit." But inside of Gideon was a proud and arrogant heart. "I deserve the reward. I was the leader here. Do you see what I did?" The end result was Gideon acted like a king, complete with riches and a harem, and the idol he made was a snare to him and to all of Israel.

He started well, and finished horribly.

I don't mean to hammer Gideon, and I know that's what it sounds like I'm doing. Gideon followed the Lord and was obedient. He worked with God in doing some incredible things for His people. Gideon even makes the Hall of Fame of Faith in Hebrews 11. That's big time! But, there came a point when that stopped, when God wasn't on the throne in his life, but instead that he himself was. God had become his co-pilot, rather than the pilot. Jesus didn't have the wheel. Gideon did. A life of deep pain resulted in walking with God. A life of prosperity and recognition resulted in being god of his own life.

What I'm trying to say is that I have the same heart that Gideon does … and I'm willing to bet that some of you who are reading this, if you really let God point out the intents and motives of your heart, will see the same thing. It's part of our fleshly, sinful nature to want to take the credit that belongs only to God. At least, it's a part of my nature.

How thankful I am for the warning and example of Gideon. He was used mightily by God … but he also fell an incredible distance away from Him. The biggest danger of my life isn't pain. It's prosperity. In the bad times, I have to remember Who God is, what He has done, who I am in Him. But, in the good times, it's even MORE important for me to remember these same things.

It all boils down to the one simple fact -- there is never a time that I don't need Him desperately. Good times. Bad times. In between times. All the time.

Any thing that I've been blessed with? It's because of Jesus. Anything wonderful in my life? It's because of Jesus. Anything of good that you see in me? It's because of Jesus. Anything of excellence or reward in my life? It's because of Jesus.

Laying it all at His feet today.

Fear

If you know me at all, you know I'm kind of a weenie. My whole life has basically been characterized by fear. I'm scared of scary movies … tornados … heights … big dogs I don't know … boogie men … driving too fast. Sheesh. And that's just for a start. Then we get to the serious things that cause the greatest fear -- things like being out of control … something happening to our kids … being abandoned and rejected … not knowing what's ahead. Yep, life itself can be pretty scary, and I have let it define me for much of my life.

But God...

I was reading in the chapter of Judges today about Gideon. He too was characterized by fear. And he had good reason! The Midianites are encamped around Israel, brutally harassing them, eating all their food and taking their livestock. Israel's very survival was at stake, but the Midianites were huge in number. They just kept coming, kept coming. God calls Gideon, who was hiding out, to conquer the Midianites. Read the story. It's great!

The thing that stood out to me most is that God knew Gideon's heart. He knew that Gideon was afraid. He knew that Gideon felt forsaken by Him and totally alone. God patiently loved Gideon to a place where Gideon could trust Him. God spoke to Gideon and then proved Himself not once, but twice with a fleece of wool. (Again, read the story!)

But then what does God do? He asks Gideon to go down to the camp of the enemy. Don't hide. Don't run away. Face your fears. Stand up to the enemy. Basically, God is saying, "Now is the time for you to introduce your fears to Me."

When we stand up to our fears, strengthened in God, knowing His Word, knowing Him, what do we see? We don't just see with our physical eyes anymore. We don't just see from our perspective. God gives us a bigger picture. Oh, we might not see the future. In fact, we rarely do. We might not see any way at all that this battle can be won, but we know our God … especially in the midst of the pain, in the midst of the fear, in the midst of the uncertainty. When everything is stripped away from us, all that we placed our security in, all that we have is our Lord.

And that's enough.

It was enough for Gideon. It was enough for the 300 warriors (down from 32,000). God led Gideon to pare down his army, and called them in to battle … in the dark … close to midnight … with torches and jars … with no weapons. Can you imagine those men surrounding the camp of over 100,000 Midianites? With just a torch and jar? With only 300 men? Their hearts were pounding. Their throats were dry. Darkness surrounded them. Their thoughts baited them with the impossibility and stupidity of this situation. But every one of the 300 men stood his ground, standing up to his fear. They knew the One that they served.

What about you? What enemy do you face? What is it that terrifies you? I told you some of the things that I've struggled with. And I've had some even darker and bigger fears that consumed large chunks of my life. In each instance, God works with me like He did Gideon. Bit by bit, He strips down the things that I've put my security in. Bit by bit, He empties me of any human resources that I can depend on. Bit by bit, I get down to absolutely nothing. It gets to where it's just me … and Him. THEN, it's the perfect time for the battle to begin.

Why? Because the Lord goes before me and fights the battle, just like He did for Gideon and the Israelites in Judges 7. Sometimes He does it all. Sometimes He calls me to fight alongside Him. Always, He calls me to participate in my obedience and trust Him. Gideon and his men willingly stepped in to the scary, awful situation of facing their worst fear, of being 100% dependent on God doing what only He could do and doing what He said He'd do. Sometimes our great fear is just exactly what God uses to strengthen us, to bring us closer to Him.

All of our expectations have to be put to rest. Our expectation of what God should do and how He should do it. Our expectation of our own strength and power. Our expectation of what the battle looks like. Our expectation of our own battle plan. Our expectation of what the victory will look like. Honestly, we don't know the answer to any of those things. But, we know Who we follow. We know He is good, that He's patient and kind, that He's gentle, that He has our best at heart, that He loves us abundantly, that ultimately the battle is His.

Oh, my friend, if God is whittling you down to nothing, take heart! Face your fears in Him and KNOW that the victory is coming.

Remember

Our family is big on telling stories from our past. Stories like …

• We had 3 active boys. Our oldest son had an OSU football uniform that he proudly wore to play football in the yard. Our middle son had a Dallas Cowboy uniform that he wore to compete with older brother. Our youngest son? He had baseball pants with suspenders and an ice cream bucket that he wore as a helmet … and he was just as happy as the two older boys.
• There was a big elm tree in our front yard that our dog would run around, barking at people as they walked by. Pretty normal, right? Until our daughter joined in with the dog, running on all fours, barking at joggers in our neighborhood.
• Whenever Wes had to go out of town on business, the kids and I popped popcorn, ate candy, and slept on the pull-out sofa in the living room while we watched old Abbott and Costello movies.
• We drove 20+ hours to go to Disney World, listening to Jimmy Buffett on the car stereo. Our kids loved this particular CD and screamed sang it at the top of their lungs. The whole way. The whole entire trip. 20+ hours of screaming singing. It was wonderful.
• "Scared the cat", sniff! … pickles … "I know where you sleep" … "Good night, Jordan!"  -- all catch phrases of memorable things that will cause our family to laugh.

There's just something about remembering. The memories come flooding back and we laugh. These were some precious times.

Over and over in His Word, God tells us to remember.

Sometimes we may have a crisis in life. Things are tough and we're not sure how to even put one foot in front of the other. At other times, we may be sailing along, no troubles at all, and we think we've got everything under control. In either instance, it's easy for us to forget. God knows that, too. Remember. Remember what He's done in history as well as for me personally. Have you ever wondered why He is constantly reminding His people to remember? Other than maybe the fact that we constantly forget?

Because when we remember the past, we're strong enough to move forward today. When we remember, we are encouraged in His faithfulness and goodness. When we remember, we see that we're not alone. When we remember, we see God's hand at work in our lives. We are reminded of the fierce love of God. We're reminded of the incredible power of God. We are reminded of Who God is and what He can do … and that He is with us, loving us each step of the way.

Remember … 

Answers

Here are some fun-filled facts about me and my weirdness.

• If I can't find something, I'll tear the house apart until I find it.
• If I don't understand something, I want someone to explain it to me until I get it.
• Other people may call it trivia, but I like all the little known facts about nature, or animals, or foods, or whatever.
• I have a reoccurring dream nightmare where I'm in class taking a test and I'm totally unprepared and don't know what I'm doing.
• I like to know what's ahead of me.
• If I ask someone a question, I darn well want them to answer it.

Yep, there you go. That's pretty much me right there. I like to know the answers. I want to be able to wrap my mind around things so that I can understand. This meant so much to me that as we raised our children, I was constantly explaining why I was doing something, why they were getting in trouble, why things worked the way they did. I felt it was important that they had the answers and that they understood. If I didn't know the answer, I'd dig until I could find it and then explain it to them. It seemed good to me. Everyone needs to have all the answers, right?!

I was wrong.

Don't get me wrong. Understanding can be important. Knowledge can be crucial. But it can't always be the driving force. There are many, many times that things happen in life and it is an impossibility to understand them all. The harder we try to understand, the angrier, emptier, more frustrated we can feel. 

God really brought this home to me in these last few years.

• I wanted to know the "why" … He wanted me to know Him.
• I wanted to wrap my head around the situation … He wanted me to wrap my arms around Him.
• I wanted to have a clear vision of everything around me … He wanted me to look at Him.
• I wanted to feel balanced, in control, secure … He wanted me to be dependent upon Him. 

What I saw was that I was worshipping the answers, and not worshipping God.

Sometimes when I was looking the hardest for the answers, I was looking everywhere but at Him. I was working, seeking, sweating, crying. I was spinning my wheels and going nowhere, and you know, it just didn't seem fair. The circumstances were this huge mountain that I couldn't get past. "God, how could You have allowed this?" "Father, this hurts and I need to know why." "What's true or right?" Why, why, why … 

God alone knows all the answers. Sometimes He reveals them to me. Sometimes He doesn't. But like Job, I've learned (through time and His patient teaching) that I don't need to know all the answers. I don't need to know all the "why's". I don't need to have the roadmap, or the instruction manual, or the answers to the test. Oh, I WANT all those things. I just don't NEED them.

God knows me. He knows my desire to have all the answers. But He also knows what's best for me -- and that's to know Him even more than I need to know the answers. Frankly, if I had all the answers, I wouldn't feel this thirst for Him. I can rest in not understanding it all because my Savior does. His Spirit leads me through those dark moments of time when I can't see, when I'm unsure, when I'm confused.

It all comes down to this. Is God good? Does He love me? Have I seen His work in the past? Do I believe His Word? If I answer yes to those questions, then I can rest in Him, not knowing all the answers, but knowing Him. I can trust Him to lead me where I need to go. I am not alone.

And that, my friend, is better than knowing all the answers. 

Closing the Door

My husband and I still live in our big house where we raised 4 children. Not only did we have our 4 children here, but we had several dogs, and a variety of other people's kids who were here all the time. More often than not, there would be messes in the rooms because of all the critters and people that were here. But that was simple enough to fix. I'd just close the door. Voila! No more mess staring me in the face! Ultimately, the closed door would need to be opened and cleaning would need to happen, but the closed door was a temporary start.

As our children grew up and moved on, we added different dogs to our house. The one that lives with us now liked to "baptize" everything in sight as a puppy. So, we closed doors to keep him out of various rooms so we could keep an eye on him, and so that not every room in the house would be filled with his doggy gifts. If you come to my house today, you'll still see closed doors along the hallways. Closed doors can be very good things.

And that's something God is working with me on right now. He's closing a door to a chapter of my life that has been very difficult. For years, I've lived in the heartache of what's happened. Just recently, God gently told me that it's time to close the door. And He began all of that by reminding me what He's done. I've seen Him work in the ordinary, day-to-day things. I've seen Him change hearts, change me. I've seen Him restore, resurrect, reconcile and redeem. He can be trusted to complete what He began.

Closed doors can be scary things too though. Once I close the door, will the monsters stay behind it? Are they still lingering there, just regrouping? God shows me that once we close the door, it's closed. I can't keep staring at it, wondering if all of this is going to continue happening. I can't be afraid of that door and what's behind it. Instead, I close the door, and I turn away from it. I turn away from it and look to Him.

Honestly, I don't think that this means the path ahead will all be harp music and roses. It's not always going to be easy and comfortable. There will be new monsters that show up. There will be difficult climbs and thorns along the way. But, it's not like He's just given me a road map, or a detailed set of instructions and then left me to fend on my own. He's given me the best gift of all -- Himself!

I won't be walking the road ahead all by myself. My Heavenly Father will be with me each step of the way. It's not a blind leap of faith that's ahead. Oh, I fully acknowledge that I don't know what lies ahead. That's the "blind" part. I don't see all the way down the road. But, it's not a blind faith in my Father that takes me. It's a faith that has seen His miraculous works, it's a faith that has seen His great love, it's a faith that knows Who He is. I can leave the closed door behind me and leap into the arms of my God, knowing His arms are stretched out for me, that He is trustworthy. He has proven it over and over and over again.

So today, I close that door. I leap that leap. There's no better place to be.

Write It Down

I've always been a note-taker. If I go to the grocery store, you can bet that I'll have my checklist with me. If I listen to sermons, I'm taking notes on what our pastor shares from God's Word. I've kept a journal since I was a young girl. In fact, you can pretty much find me every morning, sitting at my desk with a cup of tea, my Bible in front of me along with my notebook. God speaks to me from His Word, and I respond by writing back to Him. Yep, I like to write things down. There's just something about seeing the written word that cements something for me.

What an incredible blessing that has been! A few years back, I was going through a heart-wrenching experience. It was one of those circumstances where I was on my face before the Lord, praying and crying out to Him. Things weren't changing. Well, they WERE changing, but it wasn't for the better. Things seemed to pile up and pile up. It all looked to be so very much a situation without hope.

In the midst of all of this, God spoke to me faithfully from His Word. Oh, how I loved His Word (still do!). We'd spend hours together in the morning before I had to be at work, but God would speak tenderly to me, teaching me, correcting me, changing my heart, conquering the sin that lived within me. His Word was so very precious to me because it was just an extension of Him. Not just a book full of great stories. Not just a history book full of events. Not just a nice book with a happy ending. Not a self-help book. But a living, breathing Word for my every-day life, for my horrific situation, for my grieving heart. God showed up every single day for me through His Word.

He spoke to me. He spoke to me through His Word. He spoke to me through His Spirit.

And there were times that His Word would come to my mind during the day. I'd remember a Scripture passage that had meant so much … and see a different "angle" on it. I'd remember a story that hadn't made much sense, but had suddenly come in to focus. I'd have a thought that I KNEW wasn't from me. I was learning to recognize my Father's voice -- to be able to discern what was from Him, what was from the enemy, what was from me. All, I believe, because we spent so much time together in His Word.

One day, God told me to write down something He told me. Reluctantly, I did. Reluctantly because in the back of my mind, there was an incredible amount of doubt that it would actually happen. Remember, I was in the midst of a hopeless situation, surrounded by destruction and hostility. Did I really hear His voice? Did I hear Him correctly? But, I wrote it down. Dated it. Underlined it. Kept it where I could see it often so I could be reminded of His promise.

Not only did He tell me to write this all down, but He told me to share with two different people what He had told me. Gulp! Ok, writing it down was one thing because I was the only one who would see it. But tell other people?

Time marched on. Days went by. Weeks went by. Months went by. More than a year went by.  Even then, I constantly questioned whether I heard Him correctly. But I'd go again to what was written. I needed that reminder. I needed to see it in black and white, and not just leave the promise to my memory.

And one day … it happened. Just like He said it would, even down to the date! Not in the way I expected. Not even the way I would have wanted. But, it happened. Just like God had told me.

I know God had me write it down to help me during those discouraging moments, those times of doubt. He knows me. He knows my mind, my memory. He knows that I don't always hear Him correctly, that I don't do things perfectly. He knows that the enemy feeds me lies. He knows that my own intrusive thoughts question His faithfulness and goodness. So, because of that, I write. I've continued writing down what He teaches me, recording our time together, what He reveals.

One thing I know. God breathes His Word on me. It's spoken to me through His written Word. It's spoken to me through His Spirit. It's spoken to me through music, through other people. And I'm filling notebook after notebook of things that He has taught me -- notebooks that I can look through and remember the lesson, remember the word of encouragement, remember the deliverance, remember His love poured out on me. These are notebooks that I can use to minister to others, to pass along to others what God has done with me.

So, that's what we do. Our mornings together -- talking and writing, loving and breathing, learning and growing, falling deeper and deeper in love.

It's just what we do … 

Hopeless Romantic

I discovered something about myself in these last few years. Well, I knew it. I guess I've always known it. But I've seen it magnified x1000. I am a hopeless romantic. I love romantic movies. I love happy endings. I love the idea of a knight in shining armor. Noah, from The Notebook? Yeah, he's kind of a dream guy -- 100% committed, a one-woman man, loving to distraction. --sigh-- Yeah. It's all wonderful.

Life isn't always romantic. Sometimes it's full of pain and wounds. Sometimes it's dirty dishes, bills and leaking toilets. Sometimes it's shattered dreams, broken promises.

But this is something that I've learned. All of those things I mentioned in the previous paragraph? Those are circumstances and situations. They are things that occur, and will very probably happen at one time or another in my life, but they don't define me. When I'm in the midst of the ugliness, it's hard to not think those things define my life or even me, but that's a big, fat, horrible lie that the enemy likes to feed to us.

Instead, that ugliness might be the very thing that opens our eyes to the beauty of our Savior.

The circumstances might be ugly, off balance, overwhelming, and however else you'd like to describe them. But the truth is that as a daughter of the Most High God, I am loved ... precious ... treasured ... secure ... accepted ... chosen ... safe ... restored. You know, everything that matters most to this romantic heart of mine.

And that changes everything. Absolutely everything. If something happens that I don't understand or is painful, I can rest knowing that He is in control. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God loves me. He's come for me! He's searched for me and rescued me! He has shielded me from the blows of the enemy. Oh, some of those blows got through, but they weren't death blows. Jesus took the death blow for me. Every single morning of my life, we meet together and the Spirit pours His love out over me, telling me over and over again how crazily He loves me. And this romantic heart of mine responds to that love. More than anything I want to know Him, to love Him, to bring Him great joy.

It all sounds like a romantic movie, doesn't it? Girl needs to be rescued and guy comes looking for her, committed to her, loving her more than his life. I've lived this movie. I'm continuing to live it, as the Scriptwriter of my life continues writing. I can guarantee you that there will be more "not romantic" things ahead, but I can also guarantee that the happy ending is coming. How do I know? Because my Bridegroom is the epitome of love.

I know to whom I belong.

"I am my beloved's, and my beloved is mine..."

Healing

One thing I've discovered about healing. You can't hurry up the process. If your bone is broken, you can't wish it to be whole immediately. You can't baby it and pamper it and cause it to be strong again "right now". You can't ignore it like it never happened and immediately run a 3K. You can't use your will, or your determination, or your control to fix a broken bone this very moment. Healing takes time. It takes patience. It takes endurance. It takes faith.

Brokenness can happen in a myriad of ways -- financially, spiritually, emotionally, physically, relationally, vocationally. And brokenness always … always … always is painful. There's no getting over that fact. The amazing part is that brokenness usually happens with one swift strike. There's an immediate break, an instantaneous crushing, a ripping apart.

Some wounds are death blows. They run deep and it seems there's no way to recover. The wounds become like chains that hold me down. I get frustrated with the progress (or lack of it). I get impatient with myself. God specializes in all kinds of healing, but especially those that are the deepest wounds. The bigger the chains, the more incredible His work. He longs to set me free, to heal me. 

But healing? It takes time. It's much slower than the wounding.

Here's what I've learned in my own brokenness. When it happens, my first instinct is to cry out to God to fix it, to make it better, to repair it. I want the pain and sadness to be over and for life to be comfortable. I want to feel happy, to feel good, and I usually have a plan of action that I think God should take for that to happen. God has more going on than just the circumstances around me though. I've learned that oftentimes something within me needs to be conquered before He will work on the obstacles before me. So, the healing seems to veer off track (according to me) and God takes His time working in me, takes His time in dealing with those chains.

He knows me. He knows what I need even when I think I know what's best.

This is the time that I've learned to step back, to look to God's perspective rather than mine, and trust Him in what He's doing -- even though I'm grieving, or hurting, or confused, or not understanding. Either I believe Him … or I don't. It's always a choice.

If I don't embrace His lessons, if I don't allow His slow healing process and my transformation, then that brokenness can be a waste. The chains of wounding continue to hold me captive. Honestly, I can't afford for that to ever happen again with me. Instead, I enter into the furnace of surrender and allow Him to remove all the impurities that have floated to the surface. He transforms my loss, my brokenness, my grief into wholeness, into blessings for others, into new life for me. Slowly. Over time. Sometimes in imperceptible ways. But surely.

The amazing thing? While I'm surrendering to Him, while I'm looking to Him for how to live this life after the brokenness, a miracle is happening. Healing is taking place. It's not all at once. It's bit by bit. It's conquering old feelings of doubt and pain. It's covering up old memories of grief and brokenness. It's allowing my mind to be renewed by His Word and learning to look to Him in the midst of all of it. It's allowing Him to love me and loving Him in return. It's knowing that God is working within me, around me, through me and for me. God knows what He's doing … and there's great comfort in that for me. He's working … and I'm healing.

My amazing Father in heaven breaks the chains of brokenness to set me free. How my heart longs to be free … and how His heart longs to set the captives free!! He's my Jehovah Rapha -- the God Who Heals.

"So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." (John 8:36)

20 Things

I like:

1. Donuts and chocolate. Or chocolate donuts. Or donuts dipped in chocolate. Or donuts and chocolate separately. Seriously, I don't think I've ever had a bad donut. And chocolate? Chocolate makes all the bad stuff go away. Chocolate is like the best food. Ever.
2. Baby giggles. What is it about that laugh that is so contagious? All of our grandbabies have had these great giggles, and it has always made my heart melt.
3. Trying on a smaller size of clothing and having it actually fit without having to shove a whole bunch of fat inside the waist band and hoping it will zip up without cutting me in half or exploding a zipper. Check out #1 for the reason this has been a slight issue for me.
4. Sitting on the back porch rocking with my husband. He smokes a cigar. I'll drink hot tea or a glass of wine, and we talk … or listen to music … and just enjoy each other's company. Oklahoma sunsets are gorgeous and we get to share that together every night.
5. Talking with our grown children on the phone via text, Skype or FaceTime. I thought I liked them when they were little … and I did. But, boy, I sure like them now, too! They are really good people.
6. My Deepest Waters sisters/friends that I meet with every Monday night. It's true when they say that your heart can be knit together with someone else's.
7. Spending time with Jesus every morning in His Word. I look forward to it because every single day, He'll open up my eyes to something else about Him, about me, about us. Regardless of how I feel about what's going on in my life, He pours Himself out on me and I know I am incredibly loved. Nothing like it!
8. Shoes. Flats, boots, sandals, heels, flip flops, wedges. A girl just can't have enough shoes. Cinderella will be the first to tell you that shoes can change your life...
9. Having someone rub my feet. I'd get a pedicure every single day if I could, just because I love a foot rub.
10. Vacations. Of any kind. Traveling with my husband is one of my favorite hobbies. I think someone should just pay us to take vacations and then I'd write a blog about it. Sounds good to me!

I don't like:

1. Coconut. The texture is nasty. The flavor is nasty. It gets stuck in your teeth. I think it would pretty much be the same thing as grazing out in the front yard. Ew. Just ew. And I guess I could add turnips, liver, and pretty much any type of fish to that as well. Actually, I CAN eat fish … if it's fried and smothered in tartar sauce. Again, this might have something to do with #3 above.
2. Magnifying mirrors. When you've just turned 58, these are vital for you to use because you have old lady eyes and you can't see in the mirror. Actually, not being able to see might be the better choice. Magnifying mirrors are nasty, vile things.
3. Scary movies. Scary TV shows. I've even been known to have bad dreams during Shark Week. Enough said.
4. Sweating. I've worked outside in the hot Oklahoma weather and have been known to work up a sweat. I am fully capable of doing it, but I'd rather not, thank you very much. It makes my hair kink up and look really ooky. The only exception to this is if I'm outside working with my husband. As much as I hate sweating, I like being with him even more … and that cancels out the sweating stuff.
5. The "f" bomb. That's just one word that I really absolutely can't stand. And, it's amazing how many people use it just in casual conversation. I try to not look shocked when I hear it, but I think I fail miserably in that area. And, if by some miracle, I can maintain my face not looking shocked, I have an even harder time not gasping. Yeah … 
6. Chin hairs and wrinkles. Like I said, I'm 58. Sheesh. And I own a magnifying mirror, which is a big mistake. I'd appreciate it if you don't look at me too closely.
7. Mice, spiders, snakes -- all of which we've had either in our house or near our house within the last 3 months. Everyone knows they carry cooties, will bite you, and then you have bad dreams and are afraid to open any cabinets or walk in to a dark room. I know this because someone told me this happens.
8. Feeling insecure, or sad, or afraid. All of these are some of my greatest enemies. Fortunately, I have a God who reminds me of the security, joy, and confidence I can have in Him because of Who He is.
9. Escape artist dogs who climb over fences and then you can't find them. I love the dog like crazy … just don't like when I can't find him because he's jumped the fence -- again! I mean, how many times can you add more height to a fence, right?! We're starting to look like a compound around here.
10. Driving on icy roads. I'm Oklahoma bred and raised. An inch of ice will shut down a whole city. If we have icy roads for a week, I'll be camped out in my house wearing sweat pants with my blankey wrapped around me while I watch Netflix. 

And there ya go! 

How Will God Do This One?

God's Word, His requests, His plans are absolutely impossible. So often, He asked His people to do what made no sense.

• Go stand in the Jordan River, which by the way, is in its peak time of rushing over the banks.
• Leave your people, your home, and without a map, go where I tell you without knowing where that is. 
• Listen to the tops of the mulberry trees and you'll know when to go into battle. 
• Pick up the knife before you and sacrifice all of your hopes and dreams. 
• The giant before you is outfitted in impenetrable armor, but you've got 3 rocks. 
• Yeah, you can walk on top of water.
• Feed 5000+ people with a little boy's lunch, and it wasn't even anything awesome like a McDonald's Happy Meal -- it was icky fish!

Seriously? I mean, really. Seriously?!? And He tops it off by saying, look to me. Listen to me.

There's a verse that resonates with me in Joshua 3:4b "Do not come near it [the Ark of the Covenant] in order that you may know the way you shall go, for you have not passed this way before." There are times in my life where God has had me hold up, back off, and put some space between my expectations and Him.

A very wise woman once told me that it's like looking at a huge panoramic painting. When I stand back and get the proper perspective, I appreciate all of the beautiful art. However, I, a very detailed person, can stand with my nose pressed up to the painting and miss all of the beauty of it. Oh, I can see the brush strokes or the different blending, but I miss the fascinating picture before me.

I can do the same thing with God's Word. I'm desperately searching for answers to my problems, looking for God's specific direction regarding my circumstances. I come to His Word with my nose pressed in, looking for that ONE thing, begging for the fix that I think I so desperately need. When I do that, I can lose sight of what He actually wants me to see. This takes great effort, total confidence and faith in Him. I MUST let go of my preconceived ideas of how He's supposed to work, of how my life is supposed to be going, of how the storm is supposed to be quieted. There cannot be an obsession to find that one thing at the expense of missing out on all that He wants me to see. So, I back up a little bit. I get some space and perspective and allow God to do His perfect work.

And then, usually I find that He asks me to do the impossible, the senseless. I'm out of my element. I have no control. I am unable to understand. And God is perfectly aware of it. I'm in the deepest waters imaginable, and it's over my head. God tells me this is the perfect thing for me. He has much more for me than just the one answer I'm looking for.

What can I do? Flail around and get exhausted? Let the rage grow until I am in the middle of the ocean trying to find a place to land? Write it all off as impossible and look for another way? Manipulate, control and connive? Yep, I've tried all of those things at one point or another, but the only thing I can do is to look to Him. Don't try to understand. Don't try to figure it all out. Don't try to run ahead and help Him with all the process. Be obedient. Take Him at His Word. Wait. Trust. Rest in Him.

If He asks me to do something, it's because He has enabled me to do it. It doesn't have to make sense. It doesn't have to be comfortable. It doesn't have to be easy. But my eyes are on Jesus, and He beckons me to trust Him, to take that first step. That's all He asks. He'll do the rest if I just look to Him.

I might wonder: How will God do this one? But that's just what He's waiting for -- to bring the dead back to life, to perform this miraculous rescue, for me to see that it's all Him. The impossible obstacles, the heartbreaking griefs, the terrifying storms are not to be seen as the end … but as the glorious opportunity to see God work in the midst of all of it.

And as I keep my eyes on Him, as I follow Him in the midst of the unthinkable, the river of impossibility will dry up.

I. Will. Make. It. Because. Of. Him.

His blessings always follow my letting go, my trusting Him to do what only He can do. It's His delight to do those very things that I cannot … and it is my blessing to watch Him do it!

My I AM

I love God's name. Jehovah. Yahweh. The Great I AM. It can be confusing to read through the Bible and see all of His different names. Jehovah Jireh - the God who Provides. El Roi - the God who sees. Elohim - Creator. Adonai - Lord, Master. El Shaddai - God Almighty. Jehovah Rapha - The Lord your Healer. El Elyon - God Most High. Abba - Father. Not different Gods. Each name highlights a different aspect of His character.

All of those names have been who I've seen Him to be, who He's been with me. Times of brokenness called for Him to be Jehovah-Shammah, the Restorer. Times of turmoil called for Him to be Jehovah-Shalom, Peace. But, always, from the very beginning I needed to be rescued -- from the dangers around me, from the sin within me. Jesus. My Savior. My Yeshua.

Reading through the Old Testament, God reminds me of my brokenness, of my sinful choices, of my total need to be saved. And I didn't just read it. I lived it. I still fight living that way. All the way through, He hints of a coming rescue. There's light ahead!

Because of His incredible grace, God doesn't leave me in a state of helplessness and destruction. He doesn't create me to fight these battles on my own. The mourning, the ashes, the death -- these are real aspects of our lives here on earth. Because of His great love, He extends Himself to me. He is the true definition of a knight in shining armor, an armor He Himself is, coming to rescue His love from the devouring dragon. Don't you just love it?

The King of Kings, the powerful God who has named the stars, who holds all of time, history and future in His hands -- He came for me, for you!!

How great our need was! How powerful His love was (is!). He made the payment. He served the sentence. Did I deserve His forgiveness? Did I deserve His free gift? I wish I could say that I did, that there was a little bit of wonderful within me … but nope. Nothing in me deserved what He did for me, what He continues to do for me. 

I might want to point out something good within me -- how nice I am to animals, how I don't cheat on my taxes, how I politely let someone go before me. But if I'm really honest, if I truly inspect myself, I see that all of that doesn't go to the depths of me. The me inside the depths of me is ugly, is broken, is 100% self-centered. And that is the basis for the brokenness in my life.

It doesn't have to stay that way.

Jesus came to change all of that!

His suffering, His death upon on the cross. His resurrection. It all meant something. It all provided the means for me to become whole in spite of my brokenness by sin. It brought me into God's presence -- holy and clean, for the first time in my existence. He did it all so that He could be for me all that I need. Comfort. Help. Rescue. Provision. Healing. He is my I AM. He is all that I need, all that my heart desires. 

My freedom. His glory. 

My I AM.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MDoABiTx42I (courtesy of Crowder)