The Danger of the Good Times

Finding $1 on the sidewalk … stepping on the scales and seeing the number go down … having money after paying all the bills … feeling comfortable, loved, and secure … having the OSU Cowboys win their football game … planting flowers and actually having them flourish in the Oklahoma heat and humidity … having all the appliances, vehicles, plumbing, wiring in the house working and cooperating … being healthy … having all of my relationships doing well … being appreciated at work … having things go my way. Those are all aspects of how I like my life to be. Well-ordered, well-run, comfortable, peaceful, in control. That's how it ought to be, right?

Sometimes, life does go like that. I've learned recently the extreme danger in these instances.

When life is broken and painful, when it just plain sucks, it's not difficult to be on my face before the Lord. I'm hungry for His Word. I'm aware of my brokenness and my desperation. I'm aware of my inability, my sin, my great need for Him. And when I do, there's not a problem with following Him.

But, when life is comfortable and peaceful, when everything is roses and champagne, that's when the deep, sinful, inner Diana will show up. Things are this way because of … well, because I'm just so darn wonderful! I'm spiritual and God surely blesses me for that. I'm wise because I can open the pages of His Word and I can hear Him. I'm patient. I'm loving. I have learned so much and have really grown. I've been in a raging storm and weathered it. I'm a battle-scarred veteran that has been victorious. I, I, I. Me, me, me. Yes, it's all me.

I'm still reading in the book of Judges and the story of Gideon. (Have you read it yet?! Like I said in my last post, read it!!! You'll be glad you did.) Gideon just came through an incredible, miraculous battle with 300 men, torches, and jars against an army that was many more times their size. And Israel stood back and watched God defeat their enemies … until God said to take after the rest of them. So, these energized men began pursing them to finish off the battle. Gideon witnessed all of that. He was a part of it.

After the battle, the Israelites came to Gideon and asked him to be king. He very spiritually answered that he would not do that, that God would be their king, but then he proceeded to tell them to give him all of the gold earrings that they had taken as plunder. Gold earrings that came out to about 50 pounds of gold. The booty wound up including purple robes of kings, jewelry, and more. Do you see what's going on here? Gideon's exterior is humble. "Oh, please, I can't take the credit." But inside of Gideon was a proud and arrogant heart. "I deserve the reward. I was the leader here. Do you see what I did?" The end result was Gideon acted like a king, complete with riches and a harem, and the idol he made was a snare to him and to all of Israel.

He started well, and finished horribly.

I don't mean to hammer Gideon, and I know that's what it sounds like I'm doing. Gideon followed the Lord and was obedient. He worked with God in doing some incredible things for His people. Gideon even makes the Hall of Fame of Faith in Hebrews 11. That's big time! But, there came a point when that stopped, when God wasn't on the throne in his life, but instead that he himself was. God had become his co-pilot, rather than the pilot. Jesus didn't have the wheel. Gideon did. A life of deep pain resulted in walking with God. A life of prosperity and recognition resulted in being god of his own life.

What I'm trying to say is that I have the same heart that Gideon does … and I'm willing to bet that some of you who are reading this, if you really let God point out the intents and motives of your heart, will see the same thing. It's part of our fleshly, sinful nature to want to take the credit that belongs only to God. At least, it's a part of my nature.

How thankful I am for the warning and example of Gideon. He was used mightily by God … but he also fell an incredible distance away from Him. The biggest danger of my life isn't pain. It's prosperity. In the bad times, I have to remember Who God is, what He has done, who I am in Him. But, in the good times, it's even MORE important for me to remember these same things.

It all boils down to the one simple fact -- there is never a time that I don't need Him desperately. Good times. Bad times. In between times. All the time.

Any thing that I've been blessed with? It's because of Jesus. Anything wonderful in my life? It's because of Jesus. Anything of good that you see in me? It's because of Jesus. Anything of excellence or reward in my life? It's because of Jesus.

Laying it all at His feet today.

Fear

If you know me at all, you know I'm kind of a weenie. My whole life has basically been characterized by fear. I'm scared of scary movies … tornados … heights … big dogs I don't know … boogie men … driving too fast. Sheesh. And that's just for a start. Then we get to the serious things that cause the greatest fear -- things like being out of control … something happening to our kids … being abandoned and rejected … not knowing what's ahead. Yep, life itself can be pretty scary, and I have let it define me for much of my life.

But God...

I was reading in the chapter of Judges today about Gideon. He too was characterized by fear. And he had good reason! The Midianites are encamped around Israel, brutally harassing them, eating all their food and taking their livestock. Israel's very survival was at stake, but the Midianites were huge in number. They just kept coming, kept coming. God calls Gideon, who was hiding out, to conquer the Midianites. Read the story. It's great!

The thing that stood out to me most is that God knew Gideon's heart. He knew that Gideon was afraid. He knew that Gideon felt forsaken by Him and totally alone. God patiently loved Gideon to a place where Gideon could trust Him. God spoke to Gideon and then proved Himself not once, but twice with a fleece of wool. (Again, read the story!)

But then what does God do? He asks Gideon to go down to the camp of the enemy. Don't hide. Don't run away. Face your fears. Stand up to the enemy. Basically, God is saying, "Now is the time for you to introduce your fears to Me."

When we stand up to our fears, strengthened in God, knowing His Word, knowing Him, what do we see? We don't just see with our physical eyes anymore. We don't just see from our perspective. God gives us a bigger picture. Oh, we might not see the future. In fact, we rarely do. We might not see any way at all that this battle can be won, but we know our God … especially in the midst of the pain, in the midst of the fear, in the midst of the uncertainty. When everything is stripped away from us, all that we placed our security in, all that we have is our Lord.

And that's enough.

It was enough for Gideon. It was enough for the 300 warriors (down from 32,000). God led Gideon to pare down his army, and called them in to battle … in the dark … close to midnight … with torches and jars … with no weapons. Can you imagine those men surrounding the camp of over 100,000 Midianites? With just a torch and jar? With only 300 men? Their hearts were pounding. Their throats were dry. Darkness surrounded them. Their thoughts baited them with the impossibility and stupidity of this situation. But every one of the 300 men stood his ground, standing up to his fear. They knew the One that they served.

What about you? What enemy do you face? What is it that terrifies you? I told you some of the things that I've struggled with. And I've had some even darker and bigger fears that consumed large chunks of my life. In each instance, God works with me like He did Gideon. Bit by bit, He strips down the things that I've put my security in. Bit by bit, He empties me of any human resources that I can depend on. Bit by bit, I get down to absolutely nothing. It gets to where it's just me … and Him. THEN, it's the perfect time for the battle to begin.

Why? Because the Lord goes before me and fights the battle, just like He did for Gideon and the Israelites in Judges 7. Sometimes He does it all. Sometimes He calls me to fight alongside Him. Always, He calls me to participate in my obedience and trust Him. Gideon and his men willingly stepped in to the scary, awful situation of facing their worst fear, of being 100% dependent on God doing what only He could do and doing what He said He'd do. Sometimes our great fear is just exactly what God uses to strengthen us, to bring us closer to Him.

All of our expectations have to be put to rest. Our expectation of what God should do and how He should do it. Our expectation of our own strength and power. Our expectation of what the battle looks like. Our expectation of our own battle plan. Our expectation of what the victory will look like. Honestly, we don't know the answer to any of those things. But, we know Who we follow. We know He is good, that He's patient and kind, that He's gentle, that He has our best at heart, that He loves us abundantly, that ultimately the battle is His.

Oh, my friend, if God is whittling you down to nothing, take heart! Face your fears in Him and KNOW that the victory is coming.

Remember

Our family is big on telling stories from our past. Stories like …

• We had 3 active boys. Our oldest son had an OSU football uniform that he proudly wore to play football in the yard. Our middle son had a Dallas Cowboy uniform that he wore to compete with older brother. Our youngest son? He had baseball pants with suspenders and an ice cream bucket that he wore as a helmet … and he was just as happy as the two older boys.
• There was a big elm tree in our front yard that our dog would run around, barking at people as they walked by. Pretty normal, right? Until our daughter joined in with the dog, running on all fours, barking at joggers in our neighborhood.
• Whenever Wes had to go out of town on business, the kids and I popped popcorn, ate candy, and slept on the pull-out sofa in the living room while we watched old Abbott and Costello movies.
• We drove 20+ hours to go to Disney World, listening to Jimmy Buffett on the car stereo. Our kids loved this particular CD and screamed sang it at the top of their lungs. The whole way. The whole entire trip. 20+ hours of screaming singing. It was wonderful.
• "Scared the cat", sniff! … pickles … "I know where you sleep" … "Good night, Jordan!"  -- all catch phrases of memorable things that will cause our family to laugh.

There's just something about remembering. The memories come flooding back and we laugh. These were some precious times.

Over and over in His Word, God tells us to remember.

Sometimes we may have a crisis in life. Things are tough and we're not sure how to even put one foot in front of the other. At other times, we may be sailing along, no troubles at all, and we think we've got everything under control. In either instance, it's easy for us to forget. God knows that, too. Remember. Remember what He's done in history as well as for me personally. Have you ever wondered why He is constantly reminding His people to remember? Other than maybe the fact that we constantly forget?

Because when we remember the past, we're strong enough to move forward today. When we remember, we are encouraged in His faithfulness and goodness. When we remember, we see that we're not alone. When we remember, we see God's hand at work in our lives. We are reminded of the fierce love of God. We're reminded of the incredible power of God. We are reminded of Who God is and what He can do … and that He is with us, loving us each step of the way.

Remember … 

Answers

Here are some fun-filled facts about me and my weirdness.

• If I can't find something, I'll tear the house apart until I find it.
• If I don't understand something, I want someone to explain it to me until I get it.
• Other people may call it trivia, but I like all the little known facts about nature, or animals, or foods, or whatever.
• I have a reoccurring dream nightmare where I'm in class taking a test and I'm totally unprepared and don't know what I'm doing.
• I like to know what's ahead of me.
• If I ask someone a question, I darn well want them to answer it.

Yep, there you go. That's pretty much me right there. I like to know the answers. I want to be able to wrap my mind around things so that I can understand. This meant so much to me that as we raised our children, I was constantly explaining why I was doing something, why they were getting in trouble, why things worked the way they did. I felt it was important that they had the answers and that they understood. If I didn't know the answer, I'd dig until I could find it and then explain it to them. It seemed good to me. Everyone needs to have all the answers, right?!

I was wrong.

Don't get me wrong. Understanding can be important. Knowledge can be crucial. But it can't always be the driving force. There are many, many times that things happen in life and it is an impossibility to understand them all. The harder we try to understand, the angrier, emptier, more frustrated we can feel. 

God really brought this home to me in these last few years.

• I wanted to know the "why" … He wanted me to know Him.
• I wanted to wrap my head around the situation … He wanted me to wrap my arms around Him.
• I wanted to have a clear vision of everything around me … He wanted me to look at Him.
• I wanted to feel balanced, in control, secure … He wanted me to be dependent upon Him. 

What I saw was that I was worshipping the answers, and not worshipping God.

Sometimes when I was looking the hardest for the answers, I was looking everywhere but at Him. I was working, seeking, sweating, crying. I was spinning my wheels and going nowhere, and you know, it just didn't seem fair. The circumstances were this huge mountain that I couldn't get past. "God, how could You have allowed this?" "Father, this hurts and I need to know why." "What's true or right?" Why, why, why … 

God alone knows all the answers. Sometimes He reveals them to me. Sometimes He doesn't. But like Job, I've learned (through time and His patient teaching) that I don't need to know all the answers. I don't need to know all the "why's". I don't need to have the roadmap, or the instruction manual, or the answers to the test. Oh, I WANT all those things. I just don't NEED them.

God knows me. He knows my desire to have all the answers. But He also knows what's best for me -- and that's to know Him even more than I need to know the answers. Frankly, if I had all the answers, I wouldn't feel this thirst for Him. I can rest in not understanding it all because my Savior does. His Spirit leads me through those dark moments of time when I can't see, when I'm unsure, when I'm confused.

It all comes down to this. Is God good? Does He love me? Have I seen His work in the past? Do I believe His Word? If I answer yes to those questions, then I can rest in Him, not knowing all the answers, but knowing Him. I can trust Him to lead me where I need to go. I am not alone.

And that, my friend, is better than knowing all the answers. 

Closing the Door

My husband and I still live in our big house where we raised 4 children. Not only did we have our 4 children here, but we had several dogs, and a variety of other people's kids who were here all the time. More often than not, there would be messes in the rooms because of all the critters and people that were here. But that was simple enough to fix. I'd just close the door. Voila! No more mess staring me in the face! Ultimately, the closed door would need to be opened and cleaning would need to happen, but the closed door was a temporary start.

As our children grew up and moved on, we added different dogs to our house. The one that lives with us now liked to "baptize" everything in sight as a puppy. So, we closed doors to keep him out of various rooms so we could keep an eye on him, and so that not every room in the house would be filled with his doggy gifts. If you come to my house today, you'll still see closed doors along the hallways. Closed doors can be very good things.

And that's something God is working with me on right now. He's closing a door to a chapter of my life that has been very difficult. For years, I've lived in the heartache of what's happened. Just recently, God gently told me that it's time to close the door. And He began all of that by reminding me what He's done. I've seen Him work in the ordinary, day-to-day things. I've seen Him change hearts, change me. I've seen Him restore, resurrect, reconcile and redeem. He can be trusted to complete what He began.

Closed doors can be scary things too though. Once I close the door, will the monsters stay behind it? Are they still lingering there, just regrouping? God shows me that once we close the door, it's closed. I can't keep staring at it, wondering if all of this is going to continue happening. I can't be afraid of that door and what's behind it. Instead, I close the door, and I turn away from it. I turn away from it and look to Him.

Honestly, I don't think that this means the path ahead will all be harp music and roses. It's not always going to be easy and comfortable. There will be new monsters that show up. There will be difficult climbs and thorns along the way. But, it's not like He's just given me a road map, or a detailed set of instructions and then left me to fend on my own. He's given me the best gift of all -- Himself!

I won't be walking the road ahead all by myself. My Heavenly Father will be with me each step of the way. It's not a blind leap of faith that's ahead. Oh, I fully acknowledge that I don't know what lies ahead. That's the "blind" part. I don't see all the way down the road. But, it's not a blind faith in my Father that takes me. It's a faith that has seen His miraculous works, it's a faith that has seen His great love, it's a faith that knows Who He is. I can leave the closed door behind me and leap into the arms of my God, knowing His arms are stretched out for me, that He is trustworthy. He has proven it over and over and over again.

So today, I close that door. I leap that leap. There's no better place to be.

Write It Down

I've always been a note-taker. If I go to the grocery store, you can bet that I'll have my checklist with me. If I listen to sermons, I'm taking notes on what our pastor shares from God's Word. I've kept a journal since I was a young girl. In fact, you can pretty much find me every morning, sitting at my desk with a cup of tea, my Bible in front of me along with my notebook. God speaks to me from His Word, and I respond by writing back to Him. Yep, I like to write things down. There's just something about seeing the written word that cements something for me.

What an incredible blessing that has been! A few years back, I was going through a heart-wrenching experience. It was one of those circumstances where I was on my face before the Lord, praying and crying out to Him. Things weren't changing. Well, they WERE changing, but it wasn't for the better. Things seemed to pile up and pile up. It all looked to be so very much a situation without hope.

In the midst of all of this, God spoke to me faithfully from His Word. Oh, how I loved His Word (still do!). We'd spend hours together in the morning before I had to be at work, but God would speak tenderly to me, teaching me, correcting me, changing my heart, conquering the sin that lived within me. His Word was so very precious to me because it was just an extension of Him. Not just a book full of great stories. Not just a history book full of events. Not just a nice book with a happy ending. Not a self-help book. But a living, breathing Word for my every-day life, for my horrific situation, for my grieving heart. God showed up every single day for me through His Word.

He spoke to me. He spoke to me through His Word. He spoke to me through His Spirit.

And there were times that His Word would come to my mind during the day. I'd remember a Scripture passage that had meant so much … and see a different "angle" on it. I'd remember a story that hadn't made much sense, but had suddenly come in to focus. I'd have a thought that I KNEW wasn't from me. I was learning to recognize my Father's voice -- to be able to discern what was from Him, what was from the enemy, what was from me. All, I believe, because we spent so much time together in His Word.

One day, God told me to write down something He told me. Reluctantly, I did. Reluctantly because in the back of my mind, there was an incredible amount of doubt that it would actually happen. Remember, I was in the midst of a hopeless situation, surrounded by destruction and hostility. Did I really hear His voice? Did I hear Him correctly? But, I wrote it down. Dated it. Underlined it. Kept it where I could see it often so I could be reminded of His promise.

Not only did He tell me to write this all down, but He told me to share with two different people what He had told me. Gulp! Ok, writing it down was one thing because I was the only one who would see it. But tell other people?

Time marched on. Days went by. Weeks went by. Months went by. More than a year went by.  Even then, I constantly questioned whether I heard Him correctly. But I'd go again to what was written. I needed that reminder. I needed to see it in black and white, and not just leave the promise to my memory.

And one day … it happened. Just like He said it would, even down to the date! Not in the way I expected. Not even the way I would have wanted. But, it happened. Just like God had told me.

I know God had me write it down to help me during those discouraging moments, those times of doubt. He knows me. He knows my mind, my memory. He knows that I don't always hear Him correctly, that I don't do things perfectly. He knows that the enemy feeds me lies. He knows that my own intrusive thoughts question His faithfulness and goodness. So, because of that, I write. I've continued writing down what He teaches me, recording our time together, what He reveals.

One thing I know. God breathes His Word on me. It's spoken to me through His written Word. It's spoken to me through His Spirit. It's spoken to me through music, through other people. And I'm filling notebook after notebook of things that He has taught me -- notebooks that I can look through and remember the lesson, remember the word of encouragement, remember the deliverance, remember His love poured out on me. These are notebooks that I can use to minister to others, to pass along to others what God has done with me.

So, that's what we do. Our mornings together -- talking and writing, loving and breathing, learning and growing, falling deeper and deeper in love.

It's just what we do … 

Hopeless Romantic

I discovered something about myself in these last few years. Well, I knew it. I guess I've always known it. But I've seen it magnified x1000. I am a hopeless romantic. I love romantic movies. I love happy endings. I love the idea of a knight in shining armor. Noah, from The Notebook? Yeah, he's kind of a dream guy -- 100% committed, a one-woman man, loving to distraction. --sigh-- Yeah. It's all wonderful.

Life isn't always romantic. Sometimes it's full of pain and wounds. Sometimes it's dirty dishes, bills and leaking toilets. Sometimes it's shattered dreams, broken promises.

But this is something that I've learned. All of those things I mentioned in the previous paragraph? Those are circumstances and situations. They are things that occur, and will very probably happen at one time or another in my life, but they don't define me. When I'm in the midst of the ugliness, it's hard to not think those things define my life or even me, but that's a big, fat, horrible lie that the enemy likes to feed to us.

Instead, that ugliness might be the very thing that opens our eyes to the beauty of our Savior.

The circumstances might be ugly, off balance, overwhelming, and however else you'd like to describe them. But the truth is that as a daughter of the Most High God, I am loved ... precious ... treasured ... secure ... accepted ... chosen ... safe ... restored. You know, everything that matters most to this romantic heart of mine.

And that changes everything. Absolutely everything. If something happens that I don't understand or is painful, I can rest knowing that He is in control. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God loves me. He's come for me! He's searched for me and rescued me! He has shielded me from the blows of the enemy. Oh, some of those blows got through, but they weren't death blows. Jesus took the death blow for me. Every single morning of my life, we meet together and the Spirit pours His love out over me, telling me over and over again how crazily He loves me. And this romantic heart of mine responds to that love. More than anything I want to know Him, to love Him, to bring Him great joy.

It all sounds like a romantic movie, doesn't it? Girl needs to be rescued and guy comes looking for her, committed to her, loving her more than his life. I've lived this movie. I'm continuing to live it, as the Scriptwriter of my life continues writing. I can guarantee you that there will be more "not romantic" things ahead, but I can also guarantee that the happy ending is coming. How do I know? Because my Bridegroom is the epitome of love.

I know to whom I belong.

"I am my beloved's, and my beloved is mine..."