Goliath Ain't Got Nothin'!

If you're anything like me, there are things from your past that often rise up. I was just dealing with this recently. An event from the past had been shoved in my face (by a calendar, of all things!).  All you need to know is that I was dealing with a huge attack of fear, of remembering the pain, of having details of the heart-wrenching hurt brought into clear focus.

My husband, who is a very wise man, was patient and loving with me. He reminded me of the fact that when I gave birth to each of our beautiful children, I left the pain of childbirth behind in the hospital. As each year rolls around, I don't remember the pain that I experienced. Instead, I focus on the beautiful baby (now amazing adult) that each of our children are. My focus. That was the secret. Where was I looking?

Then, I came to God and His Word. We started out with the way my husband had led me, and God took me even deeper. We came to the story of David and Goliath in 1 Samuel 17. We see that Goliath, this huge giant of a man, came out every day from his Philistine tent and taunted the Israelite army before him. He was almost 10 feet tall and was a massive picture of strength and power. Before the Israelites ever began the battle, they were conquered by the thought of his might and strength. Immediately, I saw that my heartache of the past was just like that.  It had grown to giant-sized proportions and become a Goliath to me. Day in and day out, it would call to me. It was constant, unrelentless, And me? I was a cowering, trembling mess, just like those Israelite warriors. They were decked out in their armor, carrying their swords and shields in shaking hands. Oh, there were weapons, but they were uselessly hanging by their sides, chained to them by their fear. They knew they couldn't beat this crazy huge giant before them. It was impossible. And it was ... for them.

David knew however that he couldn't look at things like the Israelite army did. He couldn't see through the lens of the world. He knew where he needed to be looking. I'm the same way. When I look at the massive monster in front of me, if I'm looking at my own power, if I'm looking back to the pain that caused it, then it grows out of proportion to a size that will not allow me to conquer it. But, if I look through the lens of Christ, if I remember back to all the works of God and His hands, if I focus on Him, amazingly that giant before me begins to shrink.

The taunting, screaming words of the pain drop down to a whisper. The piercing heartache becomes a conquerable feeling. And that feeling? It is obvious that it is a lie. Why? Because my God, my I AM is bigger, more powerful, victorious than any giant of a monster out there.

David knew the secret. It was the name of his God that could conquer armies. David had seen deliverance in the past as he shepherded his father's sheep. A lion or a bear would attack the sheep, and David fought it, knowing that his God was fighting for him. Over and over and over again, David had been delivered. As I read, God reminded me of the ways He had delivered me. He had delivered me from the circumstances that caused such grief. He had delivered me from living in the midst of the fear and suffering. I had already been delivered.

To look back, after the deliverance, was just asking for a Goliath. And, sure enough, Goliath showed up. He didn't know it, but his defeat was imminent.

David put on the armor that Saul gave to him. He was going to fight a mighty warrior, and people said he needed the weaponry of the world. It didn't fit. It wouldn't work. It was actually more of a hindrance than a protection. So David took it off. He knew what he needed, and God had already supplied it. It had worked for David in the past with his lions and bears, and because he knew that His God was the One over it all, he knew it would work for him again now. A simple shepherd's sling. 5 smooth stones. And his eyes fixed firmly on his sovereign God.

Me? I had been delivered from the circumstances of the past. I had seen the miracles of God's hands and known of His rescue. The reminder of where I needed to be looking was strong. And what had worked for me in the past? God's precious Word. His phrases, His expressions, His tender mercies in black and white that had wiped away my tears. God's Spirit. His presence that whispered of His love and power to me. I visualized God's Spirit as the hand holding the sling. There was nothing that could conquer me, no giant too big for me with God's hand gripping the weapon.

The huge Goliath was felled with one small stone. It didn't matter how big he was. It didn't matter how many battles he had won before. The brutal words he spouted were of no account. His weapons of steel were powerless. He shrunk down in the presence of the Almighty God, and a rock between the eyes was all it took. When I look at my fears with God's eyes, when I see them as He does, the monster loses its teeth. The claws disappear. And the giant is reduced to nothing.

David wasn't content to just let the pebble do the work though. He knew that very often giants can be resurrected. Maybe the first strike will daze them, but they'll be back. There was to be a death. After God did the initial work with that little rock, David ran towards the big, scary creature lying on the field of battle. Again, David was fearless because he knew who the real Fighter and Warrior was. And, he grabbed the mighty sword of Goliath and cut off his head. Uh, yeah. Even a huge monstrous giant can't come back from that. He killed the fear of Israel.

God tells me to do the same thing. When I've looked through the lens of Christ, when I've had His hand flinging the stone of His Word, when the giant has fallen before me, the job is almost finished. Now, it's my turn. It's time to cut off the head of fear. Isn't it interesting that God has us deliver the final blow? He knows we need to be involved in this battle as well. I'm not to be just a cowering warrior while God fights for me and protects me. I am to be active, involved, fighting with Him when He shouts the call. And how do I do that? By declaring to Whom I belong! By shouting that my I AM is bigger, stronger, mightier and that He will be the victor. By roaring the promises of His Word. By looking with remembrance in the past and present to His deliverance. By trusting Him. By knowing Him. By actively taking those fearful thoughts captive and replacing them with the truth of His Spirit. Oh yes, God has given me all that I need to cut off the head of the writhing, defeated enemy.

And then? David took the armor of Goliath home with him. He took the bloody mess that had covered the giant facing him, and placed it in his tent. Why? To serve as a reminder of God's deliverance. To be a picture to him of what God had done. How can I do this same thing? By writing it down. Spelling it all out in black and white what God has taught me, shown me, delivered me. Telling others, just like I'm telling you now. If I were a painter, I could paint a picture.  If I were a carpenter, I could carve a reminder. If I were a mason, I could make a stone tower. Stack those stones and don't forget what God has done. Anything as a remembrance of what He has done..and then revisit it often!

David's triumph just reminds me of the victory I have in Jesus, the ultimate victor. Jesus has already won the greatest battle, and He whispers to me to hang in there, to keep fighting alongside Him, to look to Him as we journey through this life that is most often a great battleground. I've read the book. I know what happens on the last page of the story. Where am I looking? At the giant before me? At the pain of childbirth? Or the precious baby I'm holding? Goliath ain't got nothin'!

** An endnote: thank you to my incredible husband who listened to God's whisper and got this whole ball rolling. Happy birthday to us!

Fear

If you know me at all, you know I'm kind of a weenie. My whole life has basically been characterized by fear. I'm scared of scary movies … tornados … heights … big dogs I don't know … boogie men … driving too fast. Sheesh. And that's just for a start. Then we get to the serious things that cause the greatest fear -- things like being out of control … something happening to our kids … being abandoned and rejected … not knowing what's ahead. Yep, life itself can be pretty scary, and I have let it define me for much of my life.

But God...

I was reading in the chapter of Judges today about Gideon. He too was characterized by fear. And he had good reason! The Midianites are encamped around Israel, brutally harassing them, eating all their food and taking their livestock. Israel's very survival was at stake, but the Midianites were huge in number. They just kept coming, kept coming. God calls Gideon, who was hiding out, to conquer the Midianites. Read the story. It's great!

The thing that stood out to me most is that God knew Gideon's heart. He knew that Gideon was afraid. He knew that Gideon felt forsaken by Him and totally alone. God patiently loved Gideon to a place where Gideon could trust Him. God spoke to Gideon and then proved Himself not once, but twice with a fleece of wool. (Again, read the story!)

But then what does God do? He asks Gideon to go down to the camp of the enemy. Don't hide. Don't run away. Face your fears. Stand up to the enemy. Basically, God is saying, "Now is the time for you to introduce your fears to Me."

When we stand up to our fears, strengthened in God, knowing His Word, knowing Him, what do we see? We don't just see with our physical eyes anymore. We don't just see from our perspective. God gives us a bigger picture. Oh, we might not see the future. In fact, we rarely do. We might not see any way at all that this battle can be won, but we know our God … especially in the midst of the pain, in the midst of the fear, in the midst of the uncertainty. When everything is stripped away from us, all that we placed our security in, all that we have is our Lord.

And that's enough.

It was enough for Gideon. It was enough for the 300 warriors (down from 32,000). God led Gideon to pare down his army, and called them in to battle … in the dark … close to midnight … with torches and jars … with no weapons. Can you imagine those men surrounding the camp of over 100,000 Midianites? With just a torch and jar? With only 300 men? Their hearts were pounding. Their throats were dry. Darkness surrounded them. Their thoughts baited them with the impossibility and stupidity of this situation. But every one of the 300 men stood his ground, standing up to his fear. They knew the One that they served.

What about you? What enemy do you face? What is it that terrifies you? I told you some of the things that I've struggled with. And I've had some even darker and bigger fears that consumed large chunks of my life. In each instance, God works with me like He did Gideon. Bit by bit, He strips down the things that I've put my security in. Bit by bit, He empties me of any human resources that I can depend on. Bit by bit, I get down to absolutely nothing. It gets to where it's just me … and Him. THEN, it's the perfect time for the battle to begin.

Why? Because the Lord goes before me and fights the battle, just like He did for Gideon and the Israelites in Judges 7. Sometimes He does it all. Sometimes He calls me to fight alongside Him. Always, He calls me to participate in my obedience and trust Him. Gideon and his men willingly stepped in to the scary, awful situation of facing their worst fear, of being 100% dependent on God doing what only He could do and doing what He said He'd do. Sometimes our great fear is just exactly what God uses to strengthen us, to bring us closer to Him.

All of our expectations have to be put to rest. Our expectation of what God should do and how He should do it. Our expectation of our own strength and power. Our expectation of what the battle looks like. Our expectation of our own battle plan. Our expectation of what the victory will look like. Honestly, we don't know the answer to any of those things. But, we know Who we follow. We know He is good, that He's patient and kind, that He's gentle, that He has our best at heart, that He loves us abundantly, that ultimately the battle is His.

Oh, my friend, if God is whittling you down to nothing, take heart! Face your fears in Him and KNOW that the victory is coming.

Darkened Room

The one bad thing about having a blog is that I have to watch how honest and transparent I am. If I had  hemorrhoids, people definitely would NOT want to read about that. (And I really don't, by the way.) No one wants to read about a fight that I'm having with my husband ... no one wants to hear about family problems ... no one cares about health issues. Basically, people don't want to hear all of that stuff. However, my life is full of issues that I keep quiet and under wraps, and those are the issues where God is stretching me and teaching me. I need to be sensitive to my family and to my readers so that no one is particularly offended or appalled at what I'm sharing.

My problem? I tend to be overly honest and transparent. My face, body language, and voice inflections gives my feelings away. And if you hang around long enough and I semi-trust you, I'll wind up bearing my soul to you. If I've done that and you've been frantically looking around you for a way of escape, I'm issuing a blanket apology right now.

Currently I'm dealing with some fear issues. Out of respect for someone I love (privacy, not telling too much, blah blah blah), I'm not going to go in to any details. But let's just say that the routine, structure, predictability, and security of life is being shaken right now. And, if you know me, you know that I absolutely L-O-V-E routine, structure, predictability, and security.

This is the picture that God has given me. It's like we're walking in a darkened room without knowing where the light switch is. The fear of falling and getting hurt immediately comes over me. Okay, I'll be really transparent and honest here -- it's the fear of the boogey man that I KNOW is hiding in the corner waiting to pounce on me. So, there are two options: 1) Freeze where I am and panic; 2) Grab on to a hand of someone who knows where the light switch is and let them guide me.

Notice that the first option was to freeze and panic? That's because that is my first response. I usually can wind up terrifying myself with all of the "what-if's" and wind up hysterical. The problem with this response is that I'm still in the dark room, I'm not making any advancements or progress, and the pain will not only be probable but inevitable because I'll wind up flailing and trying to make it through without knowing what's ahead of me. Nothing good is accomplished and I'm absolutely alone in what I'm going through (unless the boogey man is there and that's still not a good picture).

The second response is obviously the one that God is wanting me to choose -- both for my benefit and our relationship. God doesn't need to reveal His plans to me so that I can give my approval, but He does want to make the journey with me. I may not understand all that is happening or even why it is happening, but God is capable. My heart understands that. My job is to trust and follow while He leads me through. My security is not in the light switch (revealing what I want to know), but the Guide Who leads me through the darkness. I learned many, many years ago that He is sovereign, can be trusted, and is my salvation. By placing my hand in His while He leads me through the darkness of not knowing and fear, my faith and our relationship is strengthened and grown. And He reminds me that's what ALL of life is about ...

"The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He willl never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Deuteronomy 31:8