Wait ... And Run the Race

God really confuses me. I should probably try to quit figuring Him all out, but I just can't bring myself to that point. I know I can't put Him in a nice, little box and label Him ... but I have to admit that for years, I've tried to do just that.  I KNOW that a God small enough to put in a box is not big enough to meet our needs. We need Him to be so much more than that, but yet I try so diligently to fit Him in there! He continues to surprise and amaze me, and honestly, I like it that way. BUT, there are things that are still confusing to me.

Like when I felt like He was telling me the other day to "Wait, and continue running the race." Uh yeah, that made absolutely no sense whatsoever to me. To this girl, waiting is sitting there, doing nothing, being totally unproductive ... and running a race is the exact opposite!! In fact, I can safely say that I do NOT like to wait ... and that I would NOT like to run a race (if I ever actually did something like that). Yup, God's Word to me didn't make sense ... and I didn't particularly like either choice.

Of course, I had to sit and contemplate what He was telling me. The more I thought about it, the more it actually seemed to make sense. All through Scripture, God tells us to wait, and I've learned over the years that (for me!) waiting is letting God do His perfect work while I wait for Him to work. It's not unproductive. It's watching the Master do what He does best while the apprentice (me!) watches and learns. It's being protected. It's waiting for the best and bypassing the "that'll do" things. There are many things in my life that I'm waiting for ... many areas that I'm daily and fervently praying about ... many things that only God has control over and only He can work while I watch. So, this is the area where I wait (not always patiently, not always well, but always assured that God knows what He's doing and is in control) ... and, in the meantime, I continue running the race.

And life is a race, isn't it? We continue doing what we know we need to do ... we continue putting one foot in front of the other ... we continue searching for the goal line ... we continue training. We can't stand still because then life passes us by, yet when we run there's one goal in mind -- and that's to be where God is. And again, I don't run the race patiently or well a lot of times. I get tired ... I complain ... I feel sorry for myself ... but I also know that I can't stand still or go backwards. We've come too far together (God and I) in this race for me to give up now. When I get to the finish line, I want to be greeted by a "Well done, thou good and faithful servant" and know that the waiting AND the race weren't in vain, I was never alone, and that God was glorified through it all.

So, for today, I'm waiting ... and running the race. Surprisingly, it makes perfect sense.

Looking Back ... and Moving Forward

Quite an interesting year -- 2010. From what I hear, it's therapeutic to go over the highs and lows of the year. Personally, I think it's always interesting to look back and see God's fingerprints all over everything. There are times that I feel like things are so out of control and so stinking chaotic ... and when I look back, I'm pleasantly surprised by His control. Isn't that sad? Not that He's in control, but that I just can't seem to see it as it's going on. Since you're reading this blog of mine, you get to be in on the therapy with me. Fortunate you!!

Our year began with someone (I won't mention names, but I happen to be married to him) turning the big 5-0. Within a month, we had kids moving out of our house and other kids moving back in. Wes's dad had been diagnosed with dementia that affected him very much physically as well and we helped move him to a facility, which was very difficult for all of our family, including Wes's sweet mom. Wes and I celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary by taking a small, welcome trip to a neighboring state to enjoy each other and our family who lives there.

By the time summer hit, our youngest son had gotten engaged (to a girl we adore and who fits in with our family wonderfully!) Our daughter had been hospitalized with intense symptoms that were eventually diagnosed as Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever. Her recovery process was lengthy and fairly life-changing. A second grandbaby was born -- a precious little girl who has already captivated our hearts, just like her older sister has done. I joined my husband at the half-century mark (how is that possible? I don't feel that old!) Our grandbaby went BACK to the hospital at 4 days old with a cyst in her tear duct and an infection, but she recovered quickly and well. And then, my mother had a heart attck, had stent surgery, and a hospital stay. My mom has always been in great health, has been feisty and active, and that was scary for all of us.

When autumn rolled around, three of our four adult children had moved back in to our home, bringing all the furniture and boxes they left with ... plus some! We somehow managed to fit a 4-room apartment in to two rooms (and a storage unit - we cheated.) Our middle son finally had shoulder surgery to correct an injury from three years back. At the time, he was told that at the age of 26, he had the shoulder of a man in his 70's. Not encouraging, but again, we know that God is in control, and we're grateful for the wisdom He gives our doctors so that they can help him. Our oldest son smashed and mangled a finger at work, but fortunately there didn't have to be a surgery. Finally, our youngest son was deep in the middle of taking all of his teacher certification tests (and passing them all, might I add proudly!).

There have been some big events in 2010. Some we welcomed ... some we weren't too crazy about. But in each and every circumstance, God has shown His bigness ... His control ... His sovereign power ... and His incredible love. He never lets go, and for that I'm extremely grateful. My daily recitation is that God loves me, God's in control, and He wants the best for me ... it's true!! And He does for you as well. My prayer is that we'll continue to keep our eyes fixed firmly on Him as He takes us through this 2011's adventures.

Enjoy some of our year in pictures!

A Child at Christmas

There is just something about having a child around at Christmas. For us adults, we get caught up in all of the planning and activities. There are still gifts to buy ... still gifts to wrap ... parties to go to ... cookies to bake ... not enough time ... not enough money ... and we tend to be a little "Grinchy". Our focus is on what we have to do, or what we don't have, instead of the celebration that it is.

Add a child to that mix, and all of a sudden, Christmas takes on a whole new twist. It becomes fresh and new ... it's exciting ... it's a joy.

Our oldest granddaughter is four. She loves to get baby Jesus out of His stable and sing "Away in the Manger" to Him as she cradles Him in her arms. She loves to look at all of the family ornaments on the tree and hear the memory related to each one of them. She loves to turn out all of the lights and help her Nammy light the candles. She loves setting up the little villages, turning on the lights to the houses, and playing in the artificial snow. She loves driving through neighborhoods to see all of the different Christmas lights and how people have decorated. She loves singing "Jingle Bells". She loves reading Christmas books and hearing the different stories. She loves seeing all of the different stockings for family members and telling others which stocking is whose. She is excited about helping Jesus celebrate His birthday ... and her sweet little heart helps this Nammy become more excited and child-like as well.

Isn't it a little ironic? Christmas began with a Child to bless the world... and He continues to bless the world through other children as well.

Happy Birthday, Jesus!

God's Personal Advisor

Planning is a good thing, right? When you plan things out, then everything is organized ... and put together ... and not chaotic ... and perfect ... and all is right in the world. Well, that's how it should be. I am a planner. I love to organize. I love order and routine and check-lists. And yes, I especially love checking things off with a red pen. I love having a plan and seeing it work out just as it's supposed to.When things come together as "they should", it's a wonderful feeling!!! It's fun to organize myself and everyone I know around me ... for me, at least. Everything in its place and a place for everything. Sigh! I get goose bumps just thinking about it!

If only God would just let me take over and organize everything like I want. Oh, I give Him lots of advice. I'm always telling Him, "Don't you think it would be nice if {insert something here}?" To be honest, I don't know how much stock God puts in to my wisdom. God loves me. I don't think He especially loves my advice. For some reason, I don't think He wants me to be His personal advisor.

I've given Him a lot of guidance over our years together. He knows who I think would be suitable companions for our single children ... how I think our country should be run ... how Wal-Mart should stock their shelves for short people. I've had my family's entire future planned out in advance for God (just to help Him out, you know). I chose husbands and wives ... chose occupations ... chose living locations ... chose friends. If I thought it would help, I would type up my suggestions, file it under Important Stuff that Diana Thinks, and then harrass talk with Him daily about it all.

I guess this is the time that I should probably confess something I've learned. Believe it or not, I'm not always right. I know you're gasping in total disbelief at that ridiculous confession, but it's honestly true. And this is one lesson that I have NOT enjoyed learning ... and relearning ... and learning again ... and learning once more.

God made me a planner. And that's a good thing. At least, I think it is. But when MY plans and MY ideas begin to take precedence over what God's plans are ... well, there's bound to be a collision of some sort, and unfortunately -- I'm not going to win. Why? Because He's God and I'm not. He sees the TOTAL picture and I see only part of it. He sees with eternal eyes while I see with my temporal eyes. He sees with perfect, holy vision and my eyes are ... well, mine.

So, even though I continue to keep check-lists, and even though I continue to plan and organize, I have made a choice. What seems to be a good idea to me at the time might not be the "best" according to what God has in store. I don't want to settle for just "good" when the "best" is out there and available, and God doesn't want me to either. The hardest part for me is sitting and waiting on God to work while I have a plan of action that sounds incredibly "good". But I sit ... and wait ... and pray ... and sometimes complain, then apologize for my complaints ... then sit some more... and wait again ... and pray constantly ... and cry loudly ... and watch for God's work ... and then, all of a sudden I'll see a glimpse of what He's doing and become absolutely overwhelmed at His incredible goodness. And it'll dawn on me what a brilliant idea God has when He does it "His" way. It's at this time that He reinforces to me that HE is the Master Planner, HE has complete control, and HE has good in mind.

Let's all be glad that God is God ... and I'm not.

Taylor's Words ...

As I was listening to my Taylor Swift CD on the way to work today (yes, I love Taylor Swift. If you've been reading my blog, you should know that by now!!), she sang the following lines (and for Taylor Swift purists out there, yes, I'm skipping around on the lyrics here a bit): "...who you are is not what you did ... I hope you remember today is never too late to be brand new ... who you are is not where you've been." Uhm, yeah ... I LOVE that song. Maybe because I've lived a life with regrets? What Taylor (I have all of her CDs so I feel like I know her and we're on a first name basis) didn't continue on with in her song is WHY today is never too late to be brand new, WHY who you are is not what you did, WHY who you are is not where you've been.

Lamentations 3 spells it out for us: "Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every moring; great is Your faithfulness." The chapter goes on to talk about the youthful indiscretions, the wrong choices, the suffering of consequences, and God's salvation. In the New Testament, 2 Corinthians 5:17 tells us: "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come. The old has gone, the new is here!"

I am NOT where I've been ... I am NOT what I've done ... because of what God in Christ has done for me. Every day IS a new day and a fresh beginning because of His love and faithfulness. Something to be grateful for ...

T-R-A-D-I-T-I-O-N!!!

Over the years, we've had all kinds of fun Christmas traditions:

* going to see Christmas lights and then drinking hot chocolate topped with marshmallows. When the kids were really little, they'd wear their pajamas and house shoes and got to all pile up in the front seat with us as we drove through the neighborhoods.

* going to the mall for a picture with Santa Claus. We'd dress in red or green, wear our "Happy Birthday, Jesus" buttons and go! There's a picture of each child crying on Santa's lap (I love those pictures. Am I a horrible mom?) and then pictures of them as they got older and we added more children. Santa ran out of lap!

* baking and decorating Christmas cookies. I remember having all purplish black cookies because the kids mixed up all of the icing. Not pretty cookies, but they were good! Over the years, we've had Oklahoma State cookies, Santa falling off the roof cookies, and other cookies that I refuse to discuss. Remember, I had three boys living here.

* making Christmas bon bons ... and Christmas cake. Our Christmas cake is a tradition that goes back to my grandmother. I grew up eating it as a little girl, and my kids have all learned to love it and look forward to it, too. The cake takes over an hour to mix, over an hour to bake ... but it's so worth it! We referred to this cake as Jesus' birthday cake. He was wonderful to share it with us!

* buying an ornament that represented a milestone for each child or that represented something they were involved in/interested in that year. These are the ones that I unwrap each year and get a little misty-eyed -- baby's first Christmas (from 1981!) ... a cowboy hat when our youngest son wore his cowboy hat everywhere, even to bed ... a santa playing baseball that represented when our middle son played his first season of t-ball ... a baby angel for our sweet little girl who followed after three rowdy older brothers. This is a tradition that we've continued. When our oldest son married his sweet wife, we bought a bride and groom ornament for our tree. When our precious granddaughter was born, we bought a grandbaby ornament. We're adding another grandbaby ornament this year!

* putting fake names on the presents so no one knew which presents were theirs. Each year, there would be a "theme" to the names. One year, every one was a candy bar (Twix, Snickers, etc.) ... another year, the kids were all members of The Gang (Scooby Doo, Shaggy) ... we've had the Seven Dwarves ... the Three Stooges (plus Shep) ... Mexican Food (Taco, Chalupa) ... Classic Toys (Checkers, Lincoln Logs). Each year, our grown kids will give suggestions on the aliases we need to use this time around.

* stockings. We began this the year Wes and I were first married in 1980. We still hang those two stockings ... and we've added seven more more since then as each of our kids were born, as two sweet girls joined our family through marriage and/or engagement, and as God blessed us with grandchildren. This year, we'll  hang up another one for our second grandbaby who was born in August. But the stockings aren't just for decoration. These things are overflowing and filled to the top on Christmas Eve!! I've tried to let this particular tradition fade in to oblivion, but each of our kids have thrown a huge fit. They've declared they'd rather get one less present and continue to get their traditional stockings.

* Advent calendars or Advent wreaths. We'd read a Scripture passage each day that would lead up to the Christmas story, light candles, and have a family devotion/celebration. We'd end up singing Christmas carols as we'd take the children to their rooms and tuck them in for the night.

* eating chocolate doughnuts and drinking orange juice Christmas morning before we open presents. This has happened as early as 4:00 am (not by Wes's and my choice!) and as late as 8:30 am. Not a fancy breakfast, but one that our family looks forward to each year. Christmas brunch always follows around 10:30 at my parents' house ... so the doughnuts tide us over until then.

* playing our Christmas music beginning the day after Thanksgiving until December 25th -- every day, loud, and often!

* using our Christmas plates, placemats, and cups

* reading different Christmas books as a family, but always reading the Christmas story out of the Gospel of Luke

* placing candles all over the house and burning them every night. We rarely have our lights on in December and live by candlelight.

* family pictures. We'll always take a "good" one. You know, the type that you'll put on a Christmas card to send to people. And then we take a "real" one -- one that is goofy and shows what the Allens are really like.


* watching Christmas movies. Although this one is an area of great disagreement in our family. We all agree that "Miracle on 34th Street", "It's A Wonderful Life", and "Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer" are all Christmas classics. Those are just a few. There are LOTS of wonderful Christmas movies. But the men in my family insist that "Die Hard" (because there's a Christmas tree in it) should be put on that list, too. Uhm, no. They'll never convince me otherwise.


What wonderful memories we've been able to store up over the years through our Christmas traditions. It's my hope and prayer that our children will take these ideas, maybe add to them or tweak them a bit, and carry them on in their own homes with their children to build their own memories.  I've seen that the traditions have helped us slow down enough to enjoy the simpler moments ... have helped us focus on family ... have helped us experience Christ in the celebration of His birth. It's a wonderful time of year!!

God Speaks Through Cashiers

You want to know what I hate? Probably not, but unfortunately, I'm going to tell you anyway. I absolutely HATE when I feel like what I'm doing is the right thing, but it winds up being the absolutely last thing I should be doing. It is a miserable feeling to look back and see all of the "wrong" when you were blindly going your way. You'd think that at my age (which is still relatively young ... if you're a tree or a fine wine), I'd recognize that kind of stuff by now. But just this week, I was reminded vividly of how far I still have to go.

And, of course, that just devastated me. Honestly, my intentions were good. I was trying to do the right thing. But, it was all in my power. There's the give-away -- MY power. I had been experiencing a struggle and was trying to work through it on my own, doing what I felt was best. I had prayed about it, but obviously hadn't released it to the Father and was still working as mightily as I could to "fix" it.  God was faithful to bring me up short and remind me that what I "feel" and "think" aren't necessarily what is right and true ... and yes, I hate that. I hate the fact that I continue to mess up over and over and over and over (you get the idea, right?).

It was a routine trip to Wal-Mart. As I was standing in the grocery store line, watching the bill add up for the 5 people living in this house, I guess my face was like an open book. The cashier, who is one of my favorites there and I always try to get in her line, was chatting as she was ringing up the groceries. Suddenly, she stopped and said, "Is everything okay? You seem like something is wrong." Well, I certainly wasn't going to go in to all of life's drama with the cashier at Wal-Mart, so I very politely lied (yes, I lied) and said, "No, everything's fine. I'm just preoccupied and busy, I guess." So, I made it a point to chat her up a little bit more, like I usually do, just to prove my point that I was, in fact, "fine". As I was leaving, however, she said to me, "I just want you to know that God is in control ... and He loves you very much." I stammered a thank you to her, and then hurried out of the store as quickly as I could so she couldn't see me dissolve in tears. I very definitely appreciated her kind word ... but even more, I appreciated the fact that God used her to encourage me as He continues to teach me a hard life's lesson.

The cashier may never know how she ministered to me this morning (I just might tell her one of these days if I could manage to do it without crying!). But I felt like she was literally God's mouthpiece to me -- to encourage me to hang in there, to remind me of His love despite my failings, and to assure me of His sovereign power and control. Even in the middle of a difficult circumstance, God took the time to reach out to me, all through a sweet lady working at Wal-Mart ... and THAT I love!