It's been two different times now that I've heard from a doctor that my daughter's life had been saved by some sort of medical procedure. Once was 14 years ago after she developed complications after a ruptured appendix, and the second time was a few days ago when she was diagnosed with Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever and treated aggressively and quickly. If you think about that, we've all taken antibiotics, so technically we've all been "saved" at one time or another, right?! But to have a doctor tell you that your daughter was critical and her life was very well saved by quick action from another doctor or a new medical procedure -- well, honestly that's really scary to hear. It's encouraging ... it's a moment of thankfulness ... but scary!
And I keep thinking about all of the things that God has in store for my daughter. I'm not saying that she's going to cure world hunger,or that she's going to find the answer to world peace (although she's really cute and funny. That has nothing to do with anything -- I just wanted to throw it out there!). But God obviously has a special plan and purpose for her. That might simply be to be a godly wife and mother and to train up the next generation for the Lord, and that's a wonderful calling! It might be to counsel other women in their marriages and family relationships. Who knows? But, it's her own specific purpose, planned out for her by the Father. Of course, her "general purpose" (if you want to call it that) is to walk with her Lord in fellowship and worship Him -- just as it is MY general purpose.
We moms need to pray intensely for our children -- that they will look to God for their purpose, that they will choose to follow Him and walk according to His Word ... and we need to help set that example. Honestly, there's a fate worse than ruptured appendix complications or Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever, and that's a wasted life lived apart from the Lord. But even then, God ALWAYS has the "antibiotic" ready. What a great God we serve!!
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Our Path
When my husband and I got married, we were put on a path. We were young and in love so we didn't particularly care WHAT path it was or WHERE it was going ... we were together, and that was enough.
We're older now ... hopefully wiser ... and the path has been an interesting one -- one that I'm very grateful for. I've been grateful for my incredible husband and the One Who has walked with us every step of the way.
Then we had children. And boy, did those children add twists and turns to our path! Twists, turns, ups, down, sharp corners, dizzying speeds, highs, and lows ... but again, we've all been together and that's been good.
We've grown older with our children (maybe BECAUSE of our children!), but we've learned so much more than we could have learned on our own. We've learned how to bend and not break ... how to work together as a couple ... how to love and forgive ... how to look past the moment and in to what God's doing in the future. It's been good.
And then God outdid Himself! He not only added a grandbaby to our family ... He added color to our path. Suddenly, all of the twists and turns, the sharp corners, the highs and the lows were in vivid, breathtaking colors. What beauty He added!! What joy He has multiplied!
Having a grandbaby has taught us to slow down and enjoy the simple things -- like lady bugs ... or bubble baths ... or fireworks. We've seen that God intends for us to experience great joys in this life, to relish the small moments, to take joy in the every day instances.
And God just continues to add to this path that we're on. Coming from a person who likes to be in total control and to know everything that's going on, the path has sometimes been rough. Yet, it's been a path that has led to our learning and growth, our being stretched, our being blessed. Can't wait to see what else He has in store!
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Hiding From Me
A very wise man told me today, "I don't quite understand it, but I'm an expert at hiding from myself. When I refuse to see, I can't see it." Sounds like he was talking in riddles, but I knew exactly what he was saying. Why? Because I'm an expert at the same thing ... and I know others who are just like me. And when you're dealing with people who refuse to see, it absolutely breaks your heart. Hmmmm. Maybe like it breaks God's heart when I'm like that?!
David wrote, "Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me and know my anxious thoughts; and see if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way." (Psalm 19:23,24). Why? Because David didn't know himself as well as God did. David hid from himself as well, just as I do ... just as others do. Most of our lies aren't directed towards other people -- they're directed to ourselves, hiding what we don't want to see.
And this brings up so many more questions: Why do I hide? What am I hiding from? Why do I choose not to see? God can answer each of these questions. One thing that David DID do was to cling to the One that had all of the answers. God can't be fooled. Just because I choose to believe a lie doesn't mean that God has chosen to believe it as well. God's vision breaks through all of the hardness that I've built up around myself -- all of the lies I've wrapped myself in, all of the protecting walls that I've put up. He zeros in on the underlying issue and sees it as it is.
God delights when we ask Him to reveal things -- not because He's wanting to cause us grief and discomfort, but because He loves us and He wants the best for us. He wants to protect us from those hurtful things ... and oftentimes, the thing that hurts us the most is ourself. Kind if ironic, isn't it -- to need to protect me from me.
So, for today, I'm praying to see as God does. And if I've prayed for you today, I'm praying the same for you. Though there's pain in the revelation, there's grace ... and blessing ... and forgiveness ... and new beginnings. No matter how long I walk with God, I don't want there to be secrets that even I don't know about myself. I want His revelation and His light shining on the dark, secret places. I want to walk in the freedom of His grace. My prayer -- for me and for those I love.
David wrote, "Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me and know my anxious thoughts; and see if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way." (Psalm 19:23,24). Why? Because David didn't know himself as well as God did. David hid from himself as well, just as I do ... just as others do. Most of our lies aren't directed towards other people -- they're directed to ourselves, hiding what we don't want to see.
And this brings up so many more questions: Why do I hide? What am I hiding from? Why do I choose not to see? God can answer each of these questions. One thing that David DID do was to cling to the One that had all of the answers. God can't be fooled. Just because I choose to believe a lie doesn't mean that God has chosen to believe it as well. God's vision breaks through all of the hardness that I've built up around myself -- all of the lies I've wrapped myself in, all of the protecting walls that I've put up. He zeros in on the underlying issue and sees it as it is.
God delights when we ask Him to reveal things -- not because He's wanting to cause us grief and discomfort, but because He loves us and He wants the best for us. He wants to protect us from those hurtful things ... and oftentimes, the thing that hurts us the most is ourself. Kind if ironic, isn't it -- to need to protect me from me.
So, for today, I'm praying to see as God does. And if I've prayed for you today, I'm praying the same for you. Though there's pain in the revelation, there's grace ... and blessing ... and forgiveness ... and new beginnings. No matter how long I walk with God, I don't want there to be secrets that even I don't know about myself. I want His revelation and His light shining on the dark, secret places. I want to walk in the freedom of His grace. My prayer -- for me and for those I love.
Friday, April 23, 2010
He's Just a Dog
We had to put our 17 1/2 year old dog Snooker down today. He was blind ... deaf ... had developed doggy dementia ... had cancer ... was having accidents in the house ... and wasn't eating. Each day that went by, he continued to grow worse. After talking to our vet, my husband knew this was something that needed to be done, so he made an appointment. We said our tearful goodbyes, took off his collar, and Wes left with Snooker. I kept saying to myself, "He's just a dog!"
But he didn't feel so much like a dog when ...
... he'd play outside with my kids when they were little and bark a warning when someone came up to our fence.
... he got hit by a car and we rushed his mangled, unconscious body to the vet.
... he'd wrestle with stuffed toys that were larger than he was.
... he woke us up at 4:30 in the morning for a dog biscuit.
... he'd tear up Mikaela's Barbies if she left them out. Mikaela was the only kiddo we had that Snooker would "pick on". Maybe because she'd dress him up in ridiculous baby clothes?! His attitude towards her changed over the years though and eventually he decided she was okay.
... he'd sit by my chair every morning while I had my daily quiet time. He didn't want anything other than just to be sitting by me.
... he'd have horrible, rancid gas -- look at us as if he were blaming us for it, and then walk out of the room.
... he'd pace the kitchen while I cooked, eagerly hoping I'd drop something, ANYTHING that he could pounce on and eat. But you know, that dog would WAIT for my permission to eat it. If I told him no, he'd lay there by the food and wouldn't eat it. He was always pretty happy to be able to clean up any spills for me though.
... he'd sleep ON my feet in bed -- not NEXT to my feet, not CLOSE to my feet, but ON my feet. Snooker made the rounds over the years, blessing everyone in our family with his presence as they slept.
... he'd greet us at the door when we came home like he hadn't seen us in years. He loved us totally and unconditionally. He thought we were incredible!
The fact is that we let that dog worm his way into our family and in to our hearts. Today, Snooker doesn't seem like "just a dog". We've lost a family member ...
But he didn't feel so much like a dog when ...
... he'd play outside with my kids when they were little and bark a warning when someone came up to our fence.
... he got hit by a car and we rushed his mangled, unconscious body to the vet.
... he'd wrestle with stuffed toys that were larger than he was.
... he woke us up at 4:30 in the morning for a dog biscuit.
... he'd tear up Mikaela's Barbies if she left them out. Mikaela was the only kiddo we had that Snooker would "pick on". Maybe because she'd dress him up in ridiculous baby clothes?! His attitude towards her changed over the years though and eventually he decided she was okay.
... he'd sit by my chair every morning while I had my daily quiet time. He didn't want anything other than just to be sitting by me.
... he'd have horrible, rancid gas -- look at us as if he were blaming us for it, and then walk out of the room.
... he'd pace the kitchen while I cooked, eagerly hoping I'd drop something, ANYTHING that he could pounce on and eat. But you know, that dog would WAIT for my permission to eat it. If I told him no, he'd lay there by the food and wouldn't eat it. He was always pretty happy to be able to clean up any spills for me though.
... he'd sleep ON my feet in bed -- not NEXT to my feet, not CLOSE to my feet, but ON my feet. Snooker made the rounds over the years, blessing everyone in our family with his presence as they slept.
... he'd greet us at the door when we came home like he hadn't seen us in years. He loved us totally and unconditionally. He thought we were incredible!
The fact is that we let that dog worm his way into our family and in to our hearts. Today, Snooker doesn't seem like "just a dog". We've lost a family member ...
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Crusty Meat Loaf
I knew that I had finally made it as a mom when I took the burnt, crusty part of the meat loaf for myself and served the better portions to my family.
I knew I was a mom when my two youngest sons would wrestle on the floor and scream at each other in a restaurant, and I'd sit there calmly acting like it happened every single day of my life. Oh yeah, it did!
I knew I was a mom when I sat on the metal bench in 105 degree weather without shade to watch my child skip around the bases.
I knew I was a mom when I'd be the only one up at 3:00 in the morning, peering out the windows to see if an adult child's car had pulled up in the driveway yet.
I knew I was a mom when my child drew a picture of me getting out of the shower -- anatomically correct, by the way -- to show at the Mother's Tea at school.
I knew I was a mom when I could walk down the hall in my church, hear a baby screaming in the nursery, and recognize that screaming child as mine.
I knew I was a mom when I'd holler at the ceiling to the upstairs bedrooms, "You don't want me to come up there!!"
I knew I was a mom when everyone else left the hospital to go home and sleep and I still sat there with my child.
I knew I had arrived as a mom when it seemed that I spent the better part of my day and evening praying for my children.
Yep, I've finally made it. And what did those kids do? They grew up ... moved out and moved on ... started families, careers, and lives of their own.
As for me, I still eat the crusty part of the meat loaf because I've learned to prefer it. I still wake up at 3:00 in the morning, but now it's to go to the bathroom. I can't help peeking out the window still at that time though. The habit is too engrained. And I continue to pray -- pray, pray, pray for my children.
It's what we moms do ...
I knew I was a mom when my two youngest sons would wrestle on the floor and scream at each other in a restaurant, and I'd sit there calmly acting like it happened every single day of my life. Oh yeah, it did!
I knew I was a mom when I sat on the metal bench in 105 degree weather without shade to watch my child skip around the bases.
I knew I was a mom when I'd be the only one up at 3:00 in the morning, peering out the windows to see if an adult child's car had pulled up in the driveway yet.
I knew I was a mom when my child drew a picture of me getting out of the shower -- anatomically correct, by the way -- to show at the Mother's Tea at school.
I knew I was a mom when I could walk down the hall in my church, hear a baby screaming in the nursery, and recognize that screaming child as mine.
I knew I was a mom when I'd holler at the ceiling to the upstairs bedrooms, "You don't want me to come up there!!"
I knew I was a mom when everyone else left the hospital to go home and sleep and I still sat there with my child.
I knew I had arrived as a mom when it seemed that I spent the better part of my day and evening praying for my children.
Yep, I've finally made it. And what did those kids do? They grew up ... moved out and moved on ... started families, careers, and lives of their own.
As for me, I still eat the crusty part of the meat loaf because I've learned to prefer it. I still wake up at 3:00 in the morning, but now it's to go to the bathroom. I can't help peeking out the window still at that time though. The habit is too engrained. And I continue to pray -- pray, pray, pray for my children.
It's what we moms do ...
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Letting Go
I heard a sermon a few weeks back -- about the causes of anger and releasing our expectations, even though they might be "good" expectations. Why?! Because most of us (including me!)hang on to those expectations like a lifeline. We so want them to be fact that we refuse to accept anything else. When expectations are unmet, we (mostly me!) react with anger. So, God's been working with me a lot in this area. Unfortunately, there are all kinds of people around me (primarily me!) who don't meet these expectations.
As I was discussing this one day with God -- the discussion was mostly my whining and complaining, I've got to admit -- I was telling Him that anger was much easier for me to deal with. And surely I can be angry without sinning, right?! The simple fact is that if I'm angry with someone, then I don't hurt. Instead, I'm on the offensive. My fleshly and normal goal is to lash out or to force them in to meeting my desires. But, if I let go of my expectations and don't allow myself to get angry, the hurt seeps in. Hmmmm. Hurt vs. anger. Grief vs. hostility. Honestly, I'd rather be the one not hurting.
At the same time, I know that God tells me not to keep myself as the focus. I need to let go of expectations. I need to release anger. And, if the hurt and grief come in to play (which they assuredly will), then I have the knowledge that I'm experiencing my Father's heart. That's what He does for me. How can I do any less for those people around me that I love?
There have been several opportunities to experience this lesson the last few weeks (dang it!!). There have been times when I've grieved and experienced hurt. There have been moments of deliberately "letting go" and allowing God to work through me. Has it been fun? Nope! Has it been worth it? Definitely so! The amazing thing is that those folks who have grieved me probably have no idea what is going on. They don't know the high standards that I've held them to that they didn't meet (said tongue in cheek!)... and honestly, they probably don't care! But, do they know I love them?! Assuredly so!! Do I know that all is well between God and me? Gratefully so!
Releasing anger ... letting go of expectations (even good ones!) ... and allowing the Father to love through me -- may I bring glory to Him!! Again, it's all just a part of Finding Me in Him!!
As I was discussing this one day with God -- the discussion was mostly my whining and complaining, I've got to admit -- I was telling Him that anger was much easier for me to deal with. And surely I can be angry without sinning, right?! The simple fact is that if I'm angry with someone, then I don't hurt. Instead, I'm on the offensive. My fleshly and normal goal is to lash out or to force them in to meeting my desires. But, if I let go of my expectations and don't allow myself to get angry, the hurt seeps in. Hmmmm. Hurt vs. anger. Grief vs. hostility. Honestly, I'd rather be the one not hurting.
At the same time, I know that God tells me not to keep myself as the focus. I need to let go of expectations. I need to release anger. And, if the hurt and grief come in to play (which they assuredly will), then I have the knowledge that I'm experiencing my Father's heart. That's what He does for me. How can I do any less for those people around me that I love?
There have been several opportunities to experience this lesson the last few weeks (dang it!!). There have been times when I've grieved and experienced hurt. There have been moments of deliberately "letting go" and allowing God to work through me. Has it been fun? Nope! Has it been worth it? Definitely so! The amazing thing is that those folks who have grieved me probably have no idea what is going on. They don't know the high standards that I've held them to that they didn't meet (said tongue in cheek!)... and honestly, they probably don't care! But, do they know I love them?! Assuredly so!! Do I know that all is well between God and me? Gratefully so!
Releasing anger ... letting go of expectations (even good ones!) ... and allowing the Father to love through me -- may I bring glory to Him!! Again, it's all just a part of Finding Me in Him!!
Friday, February 19, 2010
What Now?
I've been a mom for 29 years. At that time in my life, I KNEW that was what I was supposed to do. Being a mom was my calling, my ministry, my life. The experiences of labor and delivery ... breastfeeding and diapers ... first tooth and first steps ... potty training ... play dates and kindergarten ... athletics ... driving cars ... dating ... missed curfews ... rebellion ... high school graduation -- all seem to be highlighted in my mind with my four children. I was a mom. This was just what I do. It was my life. And it was a life that I loved and cherished, that I enjoyed. Seriously, how can someone fall desperately in love with all four of her children?! But, I did.
Being a mom changed my life in so many ways. I truly learned to put someone before myself. I learned that being patient was a day-to-day lesson that I needed to constantly relearn. Other lessons I learned:
* Crayon marking on flat-paint walls don't come off without taking off paint.
* Speaking disrespectfully to your children produces children that speak disrespectfully to you.
* Children watch constantly. As a mom, I need to set the example in my home.
* Hide the vaseline from the kids or it will be on doorknobs, in hair, and on walls.
But above all, God taught me how to parent through His Word and His example, and I saw that even the best parents made mistakes and had imperfect children.
In 2010, my kids have all either married, graduated from college, or moved away from home. Now what?! For the first time in my life, I feel a little unsure. My identity was so wrapped up in my children. I'm a mom, for Pete's sake!! I never really looked ahead to when my job would basically be over. No longer am I in the "game" with my kids, but I'm on the sidelines as an observer. Hmmmm. It's not really what I had anticipated. And to be honest, it's definitely not what I would choose. I miss the days of baseball in the living room with imaginary bases ... of popping Barbie's head back on and being the hero ... of kissing away boo-boos ... of rocking sleeping babies.
This has been one of those topics that God and I discuss often as my children and I continue to grow older. Well, actually, it's more like my whining and crying until God gets my attention, and then the discussing can begin. God basically just listens to me, and occasionally He'll remind me of something. Some of the things that God has shared with me?
1) He's told me that being a mom was what I "did", not who I am. Instead, my identity is to be found in Him.
2) My job as a "coach" in my children's lives is basically over. I AM an observer at this point (unless they ask me for some guidance and advice, and how I love it when they do!). At this point, God is the coach, and I am on the sidelines. My job requirement at this point is to pray, pray, pray!! That's one job that will never quit.
3) My children were never mine in the first place. God gave them to me -- they were on "loan". My job was to teach them, train them, love them, and prepare them to enter the world without me. They need to stand on their own -- without me -- and lean on Christ. If they're doing that, then my job was one that was well done.
4) I have my wonderful husband. After all of these years of babies, toddlers, and teens, he still loves me and continues to enjoy being with me. I find that I love him more and more as the years go by. My "mom hat" might be on the shelf, but my "wife hat" still fits!
Even though I still sometimes question, "Now what?!", I know that God continues to have a plan for my life. I have to remember that I'm not just a wife ... or a mom ... those are both things that I DO, not WHO I AM. I'm Christ's and He's given me the privilege of ministering as a wife and a mother. Once again, it's just another day of Finding Me In Him.
Being a mom changed my life in so many ways. I truly learned to put someone before myself. I learned that being patient was a day-to-day lesson that I needed to constantly relearn. Other lessons I learned:
* Crayon marking on flat-paint walls don't come off without taking off paint.
* Speaking disrespectfully to your children produces children that speak disrespectfully to you.
* Children watch constantly. As a mom, I need to set the example in my home.
* Hide the vaseline from the kids or it will be on doorknobs, in hair, and on walls.
But above all, God taught me how to parent through His Word and His example, and I saw that even the best parents made mistakes and had imperfect children.
In 2010, my kids have all either married, graduated from college, or moved away from home. Now what?! For the first time in my life, I feel a little unsure. My identity was so wrapped up in my children. I'm a mom, for Pete's sake!! I never really looked ahead to when my job would basically be over. No longer am I in the "game" with my kids, but I'm on the sidelines as an observer. Hmmmm. It's not really what I had anticipated. And to be honest, it's definitely not what I would choose. I miss the days of baseball in the living room with imaginary bases ... of popping Barbie's head back on and being the hero ... of kissing away boo-boos ... of rocking sleeping babies.
This has been one of those topics that God and I discuss often as my children and I continue to grow older. Well, actually, it's more like my whining and crying until God gets my attention, and then the discussing can begin. God basically just listens to me, and occasionally He'll remind me of something. Some of the things that God has shared with me?
1) He's told me that being a mom was what I "did", not who I am. Instead, my identity is to be found in Him.
2) My job as a "coach" in my children's lives is basically over. I AM an observer at this point (unless they ask me for some guidance and advice, and how I love it when they do!). At this point, God is the coach, and I am on the sidelines. My job requirement at this point is to pray, pray, pray!! That's one job that will never quit.
3) My children were never mine in the first place. God gave them to me -- they were on "loan". My job was to teach them, train them, love them, and prepare them to enter the world without me. They need to stand on their own -- without me -- and lean on Christ. If they're doing that, then my job was one that was well done.
4) I have my wonderful husband. After all of these years of babies, toddlers, and teens, he still loves me and continues to enjoy being with me. I find that I love him more and more as the years go by. My "mom hat" might be on the shelf, but my "wife hat" still fits!
Even though I still sometimes question, "Now what?!", I know that God continues to have a plan for my life. I have to remember that I'm not just a wife ... or a mom ... those are both things that I DO, not WHO I AM. I'm Christ's and He's given me the privilege of ministering as a wife and a mother. Once again, it's just another day of Finding Me In Him.
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