Transformation

When I was under 20, I soooooo desperately wanted to be older. Man! Just the thought of that makes me want to go back in time and slap myself silly. I look at my children and grandchildren and see their flawless, beautiful skin without all of the wrinkles and age spots. Of course, if they're sitting too close to me, I can't see them all that well and have to scoot back a bit and let these middle-aged eyes adjust, but I KNOW their skin is beautiful because I've seen it before. They move gracefully without groaning when they stand up. They eat without worrying about coronary artery disease, widening hips, or expanding waistlines. Their hair is thick and luxurious, not fine and see-through. They can hear a whisper across the room without saying, "What? What did you say? Did you say something to me?" And THEIR ads on Facebook aren't about denture creams, retirement homes, and colonscopy discounts.

But that's always been me. When I was younger, I wanted to be older. Now that I'm older, I'd love to be younger again. I'm just hoping that when I'm dead, I'll be content with that. But I'm not going to be talking about that topic today (my dying) but instead, I'm going to be focusing more on being content. That's not particularly one of my favorite topics. I've discovered that I kind of like griping and complaining. Unfortunately, I can ALWAYS find something to gripe and complain about. The trick has been to make it a little humorous so everyone around me is laughing and enjoying my rants and raves. I've also discovered that when you present something that is ugly and unacceptable as humorous, it's much more widely accepted.

Whether I accept aging or not doesn't really matter. I'm doing it whether I like it or not ... unless I die, but that again is a topic I'm not talking about today. I have to admit it -- I'm getting older. I don't think I want to say I'm old. That makes me think of soured milk or the Crypt Keeper. I'm just aging. Sounds semi-acceptable, and excruciatingly true.

But with age comes wisdom. Yes, it's true. I actually have collected a little bit of wisdom in my 40+ ... okay, I'll admit it ... my 50 years. Sigh. I've learned that

• When my dad told me that money didn't grow on trees, it was actually true. I can't tell you how many times I've prayed for a money tree, and science has yet to find that particular species. Sad to say, but it's not out there.
• Water, regardless of what I thought, wasn't free when it came out of the faucet -- you had to pay for it. And now we actually pay for water in bottles? What next?! Paying for air? Oh yeah, we already do that, too! Oxygen bars, canned air for computers ...
• All of the "I'm sorry"s in the world don't take back hateful, angry words. Sometimes it's better to lose the fight and to keep your mouth shut.
• Just because I'm organized and I think things through in an orderly and logical fashion, doesn't mean I'm always right. And even if the person I'm disagreeing with isn't orderly, logical, or even anywhere close to it ... well, it doesn't make them automatically wrong. Even as I'm typing this, it doesn't make sense to me. I just know it's true because I've learned it along the way.
• Boys really DO think differently than we girls do. They don't outgrow it. They just become men who continue to think differently.
• What we look like on the outside isn't what God sees. He sees the heart and the intent. He looks deep within to our thoughts. That's maybe the scariest thing to me, because the deeper I go, I think the uglier I get. Amazingly enough though, He loves me through and through ...as deep as He can go.
• Friends come and go. Money comes and goes. Jobs come and go. Family is the closest thing to permanence that we have on this earth. We need to treasure it and nurture it.
• Just because I don't like something that is happening, doesn't make it not happen. God doesn't sit on His throne and worry if I'm going to like what He does in my life. He just asks me to trust and go along on the roller coaster of life with Him. His eyes, unlike mine, haven't gotten weaker. He still sees the big picture and knows what's ahead.
• No matter where I go or what I do, I take God with me. He has promised to never leave me or forsake me and I've lived in a way where I've seen that to be true. I tried to run from Him for years, and He'd remind me of His presence in the most inopportune moments. I hated it at the time, but it's like my eternal security blanket now.

So, yeah, I guess my thought today is that I'm very obviously older. My mirror tells me that everyday. I have a son or two that does the same thing. I've learned through years of pain and experiences, and honestly, I don't think I could have learned it any other way. I'd like to think that when God looks at me, He doesn't see the spider veins and blubbery tummy, but instead He sees someone who deep inside is transforming more and more into a likeness of Him. The transformation process isn't quick ... or fun. But, it IS a transformation. I AM learning. And God is definitely patient to teach me things from the daily and mundane to the deep and spiritual.

So, in the next 20 or 30 years, when I'm reading this blog while wearing my dentures and hearing aids, I'll probably say I want to come back and knock myself silly with my cane. Or maybe, just maybe, I'll just smile and realize that the transformation is still continuing, God is still teaching, and I am still learning.