It's Not Fair!

It doesn't take long as we go through life to see that we are born with a great sense of things needing to be fair. Children cry out that it's not fair that the oldest sibling gets to stay up later. Teenagers protest that a friend gets to go to an activity and they don't. People argue that it's not fair when they've done the right thing and someone else gets rich for being dishonest. I think it's unfair that my friend can eat chocolate and french fries and donuts and ice cream and potato chips and still be a skinny Minnie while I just look at those incredibly wonderful foods and balloon up another dress size. Life just doesn't seem fair ...

I was reading an "unfair" account this morning in my quiet time in 1 Kings 13. We have Jeroboam, a son of a slave who was given the kingdom of Israel and led the kingdom away in apostasy. His god is being king and he will do everything in his power to hang on to the kingship. We have a lying, deceitful prophet who caused someone else to stumble. And, we have a younger prophet who has done what God has asked him to do. However, the younger prophet listens to the lie of the older prophet and changes his path ... and winds up dying due to disobedience. Uhm, Jeroboam didn't immediately die in discipline for his sin of creating a false religion in Israel. The lying prophet didn't immediately die for his sin of deceiving someone else and leading to their destruction. But the younger prophet? The hammer fell on him. Talk about unfair!

All kinds of things go through my mind. What about the punishment of Jeroboam? What about the punishment of the lying prophet? The younger prophet winds up dead by the side of the road for all to see ... and these other two guys get away scott-free? As I read this story, I felt my flesh shaking a fist to God that "it's not fair!"

But His Spirit that lives within me whispers that I know Him. Let Him take me deeper in this story. Let Him open my eyes to justice, to fairness, keeping in mind His character and His goodness. Let Him teach me.

Immediately my mind went to a time when life appeared to be very unfair for me. In His Word and through His Spirit, God had told me to forgive the unforgiveable, to love the unloveable, to respect the disrespectable, to trust the untrustworthy. How unfair that was! How painful that was! And what about me? What about my feelings, my protection, my desires? What about the dark circumstances around me? Someone else was getting away with sin and destruction while I had to seemingly pay for it?

God spent 4+ years working in me, preparing me for this time. He showed me Who He was and His great love for me. He revealed who I was in Him. He taught me what love, respect, and trust truly were. Regardless of the circumstances around me, regardless of the difficulty of the task, I was called to walk in obedience to Him, in relationship with Him as we walked this tortuous road before us. His commands? Love -- regardless. Respect -- regardless. Obey -- regardless. Trust Him -- regardless.

It wasn't fair. I didn't like it.

Here's where it gets really interesting though. Every single time I "did the right thing" in spite of my feelings or desires, every time I obeyed in spite of the circumstances around me, God blessed me. Not in the ways I had been expecting or wanting, but even greater blessings that I had thought possible. And the most amazing thing? I learned. I learned that:

• what often seems fair to me is short-sighted. It's not seeing deeply enough. 
• God knows better than I do the way life should be lived.
• once God speaks to me, I cling to that as absolute unless He speaks differently later.
• I take all thoughts captive and present them to Him for verification and clarity.
• I am a part of God's purpose and plan to show other people Him.

When I asked God to take me deeper in to this story, I saw the issue with the younger prophet. He had been obedient to the Lord and done just what God required him to do in delivering the message to Jeroboam of judgment. He had done just what God asked him when he refused to eat bread or drink water with Jeroboam. In his mind, the task was done ... and he was sitting under a tree. 

I can imagine the picture. The prophet is under the tree, relaxing after a difficult, emotional, dangerous task of saying unwelcome words to a powerful king. He had seen God work. He had been moved by God's faithfulness. Now, it was time to relax, to let his guard down, to get back to life as normal. Many times being called by God isn't a fun thing for us, particularly our flesh. We're ready to get back to the fairness of eating donuts, right? 

As he's sitting there under a tree, an older gentleman comes up to him and invites him to his house for food and drink. The younger prophet refuses, stating that God told him not to. Then, the older prophet lies saying an angel of God spoke to him also, that he was told the younger man was to come with him. So the younger prophet did.

There's the problem. He heard another word, but instead of taking that word to God for verification and clarity, he just accepted it. Why? Because he was hungry and thirsty. Because he was tired. Because he was ready to just coast and not have to work anymore. Because it was a word that he wanted to hear rather than the word God had put before him. Little did he know that his job wasn't over. If he had taken the deceptive word he had been given to the Lord, God would have surely revealed the truth.

Instead, the younger prophet went with the deceitful older prophet and it wound up leading to the disciplining death of the younger man.

Friend, this is what I see here. When God calls me to something, it is a call that is to be focused on Him -- not my feelings, desires, or circumstances. When God calls me to something, it is understood that it is for His glory and my good, even though it seems impossible or painful to do. When God calls me to something, there is an incredible plan and reason for it -- one I may not readily understand or see, but I can know it's there. 

I feel like the lessons regarding the young prophet are these: 

• Do not quit unless God tells you to quit. 
• If something is contrary to the word God has given you, just because it's what you feel or desire, don't change course. 
• Any "new" word or direction needs to be taken to Him for verification and clarification. 
• Trust Him in His plan even though you don't see or understand.
• Know that He is good.

Life will always seem unfair because we're looking with our eyes of flesh. Sometimes God will reveal the "why" of the situation, but sometimes we just have to trust that He's doing what is best without understanding why. God asks much of His children, but we also know that He goes with us and enables us each step of the way. If He asks it of us, it means we're ready for that step. We can trust Him.

One day, our obedience and faithfulness will lead to more than the temporal yumminess of donuts. There will be a crown and a "well done, thou good and faithful servant." Hang in there with me, friend! Our endurance and trust in Him promise fellowship with Him now and rewards for eternity. 

Confessions ...

This post is going to be a time of confession. If you're uncomfortable with that, then I'm sorry. If you're just plain nosy (like I am), you'll probably get a kick out of it. By the way, my saying that I'm nosy wasn't meant to be a confession, but I guess it was. Anyway, on to the real confessions ...

I was the weird kid that loved school. I idolized my teachers. I liked studying. I liked making good grades. I always put out the extra effort. I read ahead ... studied for tests early ... raised my hand to answer the questions. I even played school during the summer and on weekends! Basically, I was the one who always wanted to excel and make the best grades ... and be the teacher's favorite, of course. Learning was fun for me.

Hmmmm. Learning was fun for me. I'd love to say that's still the case, but it's not totally true anymore. I thought when I graduated my learning was over. Excuse me while I laugh hysterically at that last statement. How I WISH that I had come with a handwritten note from God that said I would continue to learn and be taught all of the days of my life. It would have been nice to have been prepared! Oh yeah, I did. It's called the Bible. Anyway, I like to say that I haven't been prepared for the constant learning and teaching that God does with me.

And I have to confess another weird fact about myself. I tend to think in parables. I told you that I liked to learn, right? Most of the time anyway. Well, more times than not during the day, something will happen and I'll think to myself, "Hmmmm. What is the lesson here?" and my mind will whirl and work to see what I can learn from what just happened ... or what I just saw. Yes, I admit it. I'm a learning-addict. I need to start a support group for other like-minded people. "Hello, I'm Diana and I'm a learning junkie." Example: Wes and I were driving home from church and I made a comment about how green the grass looked after our recent rains when it had been sun-browned just a few days before. Immediately, I thought of the verse about how God's teaching is like dew on the grass. I'm just like that grass in times of my life -- sun-browned, dried out, and then I hear a word from Him and I'm revived and brought to life again, just like the grass is after a recent dew or rain. So, that's an example of my parable-type, always learning mind. My poor family has heard enough of these parables over the years that they don't even blink twice anymore. "Poor Mom. Thinking in parables again. God love her."

The thing is ... I love those simple lessons. I love looking at nature and seeing what God wants to teach me. I love learning from things other people say or do. I love reading God's Word and seeing new and different things. In fact, I'd be extremely grateful and happy if those would be the ONLY ways that God would teach me. On the other side, I'd be even happier and MORE grateful if lessons never had to hurt, were always easy, and didn't require any real work on my part. This is where the not-liking-to-learn comes in for me.

Strangely enough, there are many, many simple lessons throughout my day where my parable-thinking mind comes in to play: like why you have to thin a peach tree of the good fruit so that the branches don't break, of the necessity of a butterfly having to struggle to get out of a cocoon, of the memory of walking in my father's footsteps after a heavy snow so I didn't struggle through the huge drifts (I'll let you think on those and come up with your own lessons. Maybe God will teach you the same way He taught me!!). There are many more things that come to my mind, but honestly -- I tend to forget them just as quickly as I think of them. They're good little lessons, and I'm grateful for God's Spirit pointing them out to me and taking the time to teach me ... but they're still easily forgotten.

It's those stinking painful lessons that I always remember. Those are the ones that usually require tears, much prayer, heartache, grief, humility, and a total sense of "I can't do this"!! The times that God has shown me that I SAY I've forgiven someone but we both know I haven't, and I need to ... the times that I'm trying to control my life, my families' lives, the postman's life, the store cashier's life, your life (you get the picture) and I see I HAVE no control ... the times when God instructs me to step out in faith and do something (like forgive, or relinquish control) and I snap back that I'm uncomfortable with that and I don't want to. Yup, those kinds of lessons. The ones I don't like. The lessons that I prefer to not have to deal with, particularly when I've already had to deal with those exact same lessons before. Uhm, excuse me. I've already learned this lesson. How many times is this particular thing going to be on the test? Yes, I know -- until I get it right.

It all boils down to the fact that God is faithful. He's promised to be my Teacher for every moment of my life. He doesn't let a single thing go by that can't be used to better our relationship and to help teach me. (More parables courtesy of Diana for you to think on: small children who insist on dressing themselves when it's obvious that someone bigger can do the job better; the people of Gotham City who had the "hotline" to Batman, who could "fix" all things; the importance of actually unfolding and following the road map instead of just having it.) And He loves all of those teachable moments -- from the peach trees and grass, to the forgiveness and control. My prayer is that my heart will always be sensitive to His Word and His Spirit. When I feel like I'm not learning anything anymore, it's a danger sign to me. The older I get, the more clearly I see that there are so many things I need to be taught, even if those lessons aren't particularly welcome and they're painful. At the same time, I'm yoked with a wise Teacher Who is faithful and desires to do just that -- teach.

So, yes, I admit it. I still like learning. I'm a parable-thinker. But it's my prayer that you're the same way. I'd LOVE to have you share with me some of your parables and lessons that God has taught you ... for the learning junkie in me!

Mouse Traps in the Dishwasher

I've always known that men and women are different. I'm pretty smart that way. And they're NOT just different for obvious physical reasons. But they were just flat put together differently. The way they walk, talk, look -- all different. Nothing, though, tops  how far apart they are as in their thought process. For a long time, I thought it was just my husband who was different. Poor Wes. I misunderstood for years. Little did I know that it was the entire male species who thought just like my husband did.

This was brought very plainly in to light this morning at our house. I'll give you the background ... and then let you see just exactly what I'm talking about. We had been noticing tell-tale signs that we were having a "minor" mouse problem. To my husband, it was minor. To me, it was a major catastrophe. The SIGNS were even major, as far as I was concerned: a wrapped granola bar that had been gnawed in to ... mouse poopies on the pantry shelf and floor. (Ugh! I shudder now even thinking of it!) We reacted a little differently to the signs. Wes just got a whisk broom and swept up the debris -- I cleared the shelf, disinfected it, mopped and disinfected the floor, and worried about getting the bubonic plague. Then Wes, being the great hunter and protector that he is, bought a couple of mouse traps, filled it with peanut butter (we hear mice like that better than cheese), and set them out for the unsuspecting rodents who were mooching our food and pooping in our pantry.

Wes discovered a dead mouse this morning, but didn't tell me. He just cleared out the trap, and took care of it. A little later, I was nervously checking to see if we had gotten a mouse ... and one of the mouse traps was gone. My fearful mind imagined a 25-pound mouse who had eaten the peanut butter and then dragged the trap off ... or even worse, eaten the whole trap. Then, I checked the other trap, and there was a poor, little, mangled mouse lying dead on our pantry shelf. (Why I always feel sorry for the mice after we catch and kill them, I'll never quite understand ... but I do.) I did what any self-respecting woman would do. I began screaming, jumping up and down, and hollering for our youngest son to come save me from the dastardly creature ... and then went to the other part of the house so I didn't have to see the whole cleaning-up process. From the back part of the house, I was shouting out instructions: "Put the body in a bag! Throw the whole trap away! Don't bring it for me to see!" I'm very brave from a distance. Anyway, our wonderful son took care of it all, and I sent a text to my husband, telling him that we caught a mouse.

He came home a little later to get some work supplies, and casually mentioned that it was the second mouse we had caught today.Well, that's good news, I guess. We're killing off an entire mouse family one by one. He also casually mentioned that the first mouse trap had been rinsed ... and (get this!!) put in our dishwasher to be cleaned. I had to write those letters in bold for emphasis. And even as I write them, I am still astounded at how I feel hearing it all over again. A mouse trap, that had killed a mouse, that held the disease-ridden body of a mouse, was in our dishwasher ... with our dishes ... and silverware ... and glasses. I was stunned. I was shocked. I was totally grossed out. I remember vaguely saying something about how maybe the plague in England in the 1600s would have been averted if people had just rinsed off the nasty mice cooties. I threw such a fit that Wes removed the dirty little trap from the dishwasher. He couldn't understand my hysterics. "I rinsed it off." Our son, being a man, was in the same thought zone as his father. "Yeah, Mom. He did rinse it off." Excuse my mistake. Since you couldn't see the blood anymore and water had been run over it, it was apparently just fine. Even now, neither of the men in my family can understand my complete melt-down about the obviously cleaned-off mousetrap in the dishwasher. Ewwww! (By the way, I've been googling about how to disinfect the entire inside surface of my dishwasher.)

Actually, now that I've calmed down and I don't feel like throwing up anymore, I can see the humor in all of this -- almost. The thing that is the funniest is just exactly what polar opposites we are. And God put us together! That's probably the craziest part. You have a man, who thinks a certain way, with a woman, who thinks a completely different way, and put them together to live happily ever after. We've learned that in order for there to be a happily ever after, you have to accept that your partner is YOUR perfect gift from God (intended just for YOU) and is just different than you -- not necessarily wrong -- just different. We NEED that difference. That's how a marriage grows and is strengthened. God, in His infinite wisdom, pulled Wes and Diana together -- two totally unique individuals, and put them together. Together, we make one fantastic person! I'm sure Wes thinks I'm a hysterical, dramatic female (and he'd be right after this morning!). But he's accepted that my thought process is different than his, and he loves me anyway ... just like I've come to the same conclusion about him. It's all a process anyway -- life, marriage, kids -- and we're learning each step of the way. Fortunately, those lessons are sometimes a little less painful (not for mice) and a little more humorous (for us)!

This has been a fun post, but you'll have to excuse me now though. I've got a dishwasher to disinfect.

Change Churches?

I tell my husband a LOT that we need to change churches. We need to go to a place where I can leave each week without feeling convicted ... or the challenge to grow isn't a huge stretch for me. I'd like to go to a place where I don't cry my make-up off every single Sunday in the worship service. Wes tells me not to wear any make-up in the first place and that would solve the problem. Since I have a teeny-weeny vanity problem, that probably won't work. It would be just hunky-dory if we didn't sing songs that tugged at my spirit and caused big ole' fat tears to pour down my face. It would be nice to feel like our pastor did NOT call my husband the week before and say, "So, are there any specific issues that Diana is dealing with that I'll need to address from the pulpit?" So, when I tell dear Wes that we seriously need to change churches, he just laughs because he thinks I'm really cute and funny, and that I'm joking, of course. And yes, I guess I am ... darn it. Sigh. No, I don't want to change churches. I love being where I am. Believe it or not, I'm really grateful for a church home where the Word is celebrated so faithfully by so many.

Today, one point that really stood out to me is as follows (and I quote ... word for word, by the way!): "Our unrealized expectations can be major sources of discouragement when we take our eyes off of God." Ouch! This, by the way, is just one of the examples where our pastor called our home, asking Wes where I needed to be challenged. Yes, I've been suffering a little bit from discouragement. I'm not going to go in to all of the gory details. Let's just say that I've struggled with feeling like I've failed in certain areas, that my wonderful and perfect expectations haven't been met, and I've had a hard time not wallowing in a pity potty. For those of you who call it a pity party, that's fine. It's never really seemed like a party to me ... definitely more like a potty. And there are times I'm not just swimming in that potty, but wallowing in it. Enough description. I'm sure you understand where I'm going with that. Anyway, when our pastor said that specific statement, it was as though God's Spirit tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Be sure to write that one down. I meant it especially for you." Sorry if you were sitting in the church service today and had to hear God's and my private conversation, but maybe it could be of benefit to you as well.

Just one of the things that I really, REALLY love about our Lord is His extreme faithfulness. To me, my discouragement was a natural reaction to what I was dealing with. I mean, when I have absolutely no control over something and it eats away at me, I'm supposed to feel sorry for myself, right? But God reminds me all of the time that He is sovereign and in control, and contrary to popular belief, He is NOT performing strictly for my benefit. In actuality, He has a plan and a purpose. He knows what He's doing. There are times I don't understand (many, many, many times!) ... there are things that happen that are emotionally and physically draining ... but in each and every circumstance, I can hold on to the fact that God is in control. My tendency is to be all about me -- I know that comes as a shock to you because I give the outward impression that I've always got it all together, but it's true -- and I take my eyes off of my Lord and put them on me and my circumstances. This next part, though, is the part that's really incredible. Get ready for it! God knows all of that ... and He still loves me anyway. What He wants is for ME to realize that as well, and then to step in line behind Him to follow. He is faithful to point out to me when I'm looking elsewhere for things to make me happy. Because you know what? God KNOWS that I'll never be happy when I'm looking anywhere else but at Him as we go through this life together. Since He loves me, His desire is the best for me ... and the best is that my eyes are fixed firmly upon Him. Unfortunately, God has to remind me of that ... a lot. But fortunately for me, He does.

So, that's what I came away with today as I walked out of church with mascara smudged around my eyes and a bright, splotchy, runny nose. I wasn't particularly attractive, I admit ... but the strange thing is that my heart was singing. God so graciously and faithfully taught me once again through His incredible Word. He loves me. My hope is that you, too, suffer from going to a church where you feel God's Spirit poking you to see if you're paying attention. We can celebrate in His faithfulness and grace together!

Incredible SONshine!!

I am a firm believer that for every physical thing on earth, there is a spiritual counterpart. For example, just like we need food for our physical bodies to thrive and survive, we need spiritual food for our spiritual bodies to grow. Or, like athletes in a contest work hard to succeed, so do we spiritual athletes need to continue to work out as well through prayer and Scripture reading so that we'll succeed spiritually. Basically, I believe that there's a lesson in most anything. And I'm so grateful that God teaches in pictures and simple things, because I very definitely have a simple mind that needs to keep things as basic as possible.

The most recent lesson I've learned was in regard to the weather. Here in Oklahoma, we've had abundant snowfall ... gray, dreary days ... fog ... days and days without the sunshine. Personally, I think I have Seasonal Affective Disorder, a disorder with the following characteristics: a craving for carbohydrates (finally! an excuse!! Pass the chocolate, please!), loss of energy, and oversleeping -- to name a few. As I'd talk to my fellow Oklahomans, I realized I wasn't the only person with these particular symptoms. Seems like everyone I know has been hungry for a little bit of spring weather. Warmth, sunshine, blue skies ... ah!! We crave it! We also all seemed to agree that yes, we've been touched with S.A.D. The treatment? Getting sunlight ... lots and LOTS of sunlight. Well, when there has been little to no sunlight for a month, that's a little on the difficult side. We'd wait, and watch ... listen to the weather reports ... discuss what sunlight used to feel like "back in the day". But today ... oh, wonderful today!! The sun not only peeked out from behind the clouds, it appeared in all of its blazing glory -- heating up the earth, melting what little snow we've had left behind, and basically brightening up the faces of all of the winter-weary Okies. Walk down the street and you can be greeted by people who shout out, "Beautiful day, isn't it?" Kids are playing in their front yards ... clerks in the grocery store greet customers cheerfully when they walk in ... and life here in Oklahoma is wonderful!

So, I was thanking my very gracious God for the wonderful gift of His sunshine today. How often I've taken it for granted, but how grateful I am today for this very precious gift!! And, He once again started working on my very simple mind with His pictures and correlations between the physical and the spiritual. God reminded me that as much as I crave the SUN, so my soul craves the SON. The "physical me" needs sunshine to survive ... to thrive ... to bring joy to my inner being. The "spiritual me" needs Jesus so I don't wither up and die ... so that I have hope ... so that I have a future. If I go for any length of time without Jesus, my soul begins to live in the darkness without the Son. And just like I grow depressed without sunlight, so many things happen in my life when my focus isn't on Christ. I become self-centered ... I wallow in self-pity ... I grow angry ... I lose hope. As much as I want to live my life centered in the sunshine, even more I want my life to be grounded in the Son. For me, there IS no other way to live.

So, a big thank-you goes out to the Father for His faithfulness in teaching me yet another lesson through His physical world ... just one more time of Finding Me In Him ...