Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Hiding From Me

A very wise man told me today, "I don't quite understand it, but I'm an expert at hiding from myself. When I refuse to see, I can't see it." Sounds like he was talking in riddles, but I knew exactly what he was saying. Why? Because I'm an expert at the same thing ... and I know others who are just like me. And when you're dealing with people who refuse to see, it absolutely breaks your heart. Hmmmm. Maybe like it breaks God's heart when I'm like that?!

David wrote, "Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me and know my anxious thoughts; and see if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way." (Psalm 19:23,24). Why? Because David didn't know himself as well as God did. David hid from himself as well, just as I do ... just as others do. Most of our lies aren't directed towards other people -- they're directed to ourselves, hiding what we don't want to see.

And this brings up so many more questions: Why do I hide? What am I hiding from? Why do I choose not to see? God can answer each of these questions. One thing that David DID do was to cling to the One that had all of the answers. God can't be fooled. Just because I choose to believe a lie doesn't mean that God has chosen to believe it as well. God's vision breaks through all of the hardness that I've built up around myself -- all of the lies I've wrapped myself in, all of the protecting walls that I've put up. He zeros in on the underlying issue and sees it as it is.

God delights when we ask Him to reveal things -- not because He's wanting to cause us grief and discomfort, but because He loves us and He wants the best for us. He wants to protect us from those hurtful things ... and oftentimes, the thing that hurts us the most is ourself. Kind if ironic, isn't it -- to need to protect me from me.

So, for today, I'm praying to see as God does. And if I've prayed for you today, I'm praying the same for you. Though there's pain in the revelation, there's grace ... and blessing ... and forgiveness ... and new beginnings. No matter how long I walk with God, I don't want there to be secrets that even I don't know about myself. I want His revelation and His light shining on the dark, secret places. I want to walk in the freedom of His grace. My prayer -- for me and for those I love.